


off the table

by compendiary



Category: SuperM (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Denial of Feelings, Getting Together, Humor, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-14 07:00:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28916508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/compendiary/pseuds/compendiary
Summary: The Cons of Having a Younger Partner (Because There Aren’t Any Pros), an article by Kim Jongin.“Okay, let’s come to an agreement. Give me six months,” Yukhei says, and he’s looking at Jongin withthoseeyes. “Give me six months to prove to you that I’m as much of an adult as you are.”Whatever argument Jongin had cued in his head dies on his lips as he continues looking into Yukhei’s eyes.
Relationships: Kim Jongin | Kai/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas
Comments: 12
Kudos: 97





	off the table

**Author's Note:**

> thank you to my friends who pushed me into making this a reality. it’s been a year, but here it is. (also, happy early 22nd birthday to lucas. i hope you never find this website.)

When Jongin first meets Yukhei via mutual friends, he doesn’t think that Yukhei will ever play a major—or even recurring—role in his life. They’re both guests invited to celebrate their friends’ engagement, and Yukhei immediately catches his eye from across the room that evening. Jongin thinks that Yukhei is going to be a passing character—someone Jongin will meet once or twice over the next few years by chance then never see again.

At least, that’s what Jongin expected to happen.

It’s funny how circumstances can change rapidly after sleeping with someone.

Jongin should’ve probably thought this one through.

One drunken mistake is fine, a second one is careless… but a third time and things start to look deliberate. Throw in several more instances of this so-called mistake and Jongin ends up with a larger issue at hand—Yukhei in his entirety.

Sharing a physical relationship with no strings attached isn’t a foreign concept to Jongin. After swearing off romance for the past couple of years, it was only logical that he had to find other means to have fun. Yukhei seemed like the perfect candidate—young, handsome, playful, and always up for anything. There’s something fresh about him and how eager he is to please, and Jongin really likes that Yukhei lets him call the shots because he’s more senior in age.

Jongin thinks that things are working out well, maybe even a little too well. It’s nice to have found someone who shares the same objective of wanting no more than what’s on the surface. Yukhei is generous in bed, he’s observant and responds splendidly, and their chemistry is undeniable. He might actually be one of Jongin’s favourite non-relationships to date.

They meet up at Jongin’s apartment after work hours, sometimes Yukhei asks if he can stay over because it’s easier for him to commute from Jongin’s place in the morning. Jongin doesn’t think too much about it. Yukhei is convenient company and he cleans up after himself anyway, so he isn’t troublesome to have around.

It all seems easy with Yukhei. There’s nothing for Jongin to worry about because what kind of 21-year-old wants to be tied down?

Two months in and Yukhei finally drops the bomb. “ _Hyung_ …” Yukhei starts, his voice warm as he presses gentle kisses against one of Jongin’s collarbones. “Is it okay for me to assume that we’re exclusive?”

The question is worded generally, and Jongin doesn’t think he has a reason to lie. He hums, squirming away from Yukhei’s hold to get deeper under his warm duvet. “Mmhm.”

Yukhei is persistent and he only crawls under the covers and over Jongin’s body, plastering himself against Jongin’s chest to look him in the eyes. “Can you promise to only see me from now on? Please?”

Jongin knows what Yukhei is asking—he wants to go steady without saying it outright. Jongin is aware of what he has to say in return. He needs to reject Yukhei firmly because he shouldn’t string him along knowing very well that he doesn’t want a relationship right now. Jongin knows exactly what he has to say, but as he stares into Yukhei’s eyes, he’s rendered speechless. The word “no” is already queued in his head, but he can’t find a way to say it out loud.

Jongin doesn’t manage to say no that night. Or every other night whenever Yukhei swings by.

But it’s just exclusivity, right? He’s not asking for Jongin’s hand in marriage. It’s safer for them both if they only see each other, and it’s not like Jongin was sleeping with anyone else to begin with. As long as they stay within this zone of exclusivity, there’s nothing that raises any red flags for him.

Everything seems to fall into place over the next few months, until the one night Jongin has to pick Yukhei up from a bar after he had one too many drinks. Jongin takes Yukhei home with him, shaking his head as he watches Yukhei giggle to himself intermittently as he stumbles after taking steps. “You know what, baby?” Yukhei asks, his words slurred as he chuckles.

Jongin ignores the way Yukhei has dropped all formality with him over time. He lays Yukhei onto the bed as he hurries towards the dresser to get him a change of clothes. As Jongin unbuttons Yukhei’s shirt, he feels Yukhei stroke his face with a warm palm.

“Babe…” Yukhei whines, unhappy that he was ignored earlier. “Can I tell you something?”

Jongin is about to shake his head for no, but he sighs and nods when Yukhei pushes his bottom lip out in a pout. “What?” he asks.

Yukhei beams up at him, obediently shrugging off his shirt as he lets Jongin put a pyjama top on for him. “I want to tell you something.”

Jongin entertains him by humming halfheartedly.

“Babe, look at me… _Hyung_ …”

Jongin pauses at doing up the buttons on his top and stares at him.

Yukhei, content with all of Jongin’s attention now, smiles as he leans forwards to peck Jongin on the tip of his nose. “I love you,” he says. It comes out so casually like it’s no big deal, and Yukhei resumes drunkenly giggling to himself as he admires the patterns on his pyjamas.

Jongin, however, is paralysed by those words.

Yukhei eventually realises that Jongin is frozen in place, and he waves a hand in front of Jongin’s face quizzically. “Babe?” he calls, frowning when Jongin doesn’t reply. “Did I say something wrong? Oh, is it because I said ‘I love you’?” Yukhei laughs when Jongin is finally shaken out of his reverie. “You don’t have to say it back, silly…”

“Don’t say that,” Jongin says, quickening his movements as he finishes dressing Yukhei up. “You’re drunk. Go to sleep.”

And with that, Jongin flees the scene, frantically pulling out his phone to send Taemin a SOS text message.

This isn’t going to work out.

* * *

“I’m going to break up with him,” Jongin announces right when Baekhyun stops by his desk. He tries to ignore the horrified look on Baekhyun’s face by turning to look straight at his computer screen. A nauseatingly cute photo of a chowchow puppy stares back at him. “I know what you’re going to say, and yes I’ve thought it through. He’s too young for me.”

Baekhyun gapes at him for another two minutes, opening and closing his mouth like a fish. When he finally finds his voice, Jongin has already changed his desktop wallpaper to something more work-friendly. “You are _not_ breaking up with him,” he says as he spins Jongin around to face him. His hands are planted firmly on both of Jongin’s shoulders and their faces are merely inches apart as Baekhyun stares him down. “I won’t let you do that. Taeyong would tear me apart for introducing the two of you if you ever broke Lucas’ heart.”

Jongin doesn’t want to break Yukhei’s heart. The last thing he would ever want to do is break Yukhei’s heart. But this is for the better. They are in different phases of their lives—Jongin is building a career while Yukhei is… a child.

Baekhyun gives Jongin a look that conveys that he knows exactly what Jongin is thinking. “He’s only five years younger than you,” he states as a matter of fact. “You’re talking about him like he’s 16, not 21.”

“Five years!” Jongin hisses, spreading out his fingers in front of Baekhyun’s face as he slides his chair away from Baekhyun to put some distance between them. “We want different things. It freaks me out.”

“That’s just typical Kim Jongin,” Baekhyun snidely remarks. “You run when things get serious. You get cold feet when it matters. You’ve been dating him for three months, Jongin! _Three months_. Why is your age difference only bothering you now?”

“Because—”

“I don’t want to hear it!” Baekhyun interrupts him without letting him speak. “You said you really liked him _unprompted_ to Taeyong the other day. I know the guy, Lucas is an absolutely sweetheart. If you hurt him now, you’re going to be his villain origin story. He’s going to be just like you by the time he turns 26.”

Jongin takes offence to whatever is falling out of Baekhyun’s mouth. “I am _not_ a villain! I’ve just given our long-term prospects some thought, and him being as young as he is doesn’t make me feel secure.”

“Well, stop thinking!” Baekhyun argues. “I don’t like it when you think. Taemin! Come over here, Jongin’s acting up again.”

Taemin, having been summoned by Baekhyun’s loud voice, hesitantly approaches Jongin’s desk. He looks around to note that no one else is paying them any mind. “What did you do this time?” he directs this question to Jongin as he cocks a hip to a side. He nurses the hot mug of coffee in his hands.

“I didn’t do anything.”

Baekhyun sighs. “Jongin wants to break up with Yukhei.”

“Yukhei?” Taemin asks, puzzled. “Yukhei? You mean Lucas? You were going out officially?”

Jongin nods. “No, we were exclusive without labelling the relationship, so I don’t want to make this a big deal. He’s just too—”

Taemin’s eyes widen in recognition. “No!” he yells, cutting Jongin off. “You are _not_ breaking up with Lucas. If anything, _he_ should break up with _you_ , you old fuck.”

“You’re literally older than me.”

Taemin narrows his eyes at Jongin icily. “You’re despicable, Jongin. You told me that things were going well with him a few days ago, and you want to ruin him now just because he said he loves you? No, I won’t let you. I’m going to protect the boy with my life.”

Baekhyun swings an arm around Taemin’s shoulders and swipes Taemin’s mug from him to take a sip. “Okay, your best friend has spoken. You’re not breaking up with Yukhei.”

Jongin purses his lips. “I don’t think that’s for you to decide.”

“I’ll leak the log of your sexts from high school if you hurt one hair on Lucas’ beautiful head,” Taemin warns. “I have the top three worst examples memorised and I won’t hesitate to share them with Baekhyun if I ever see Lucas crying.”

“Are the both of you really my friends?” Jongin laments, trying his best to curb the whine that’s threatening to seep into his tone.

Baekhyun and Taemin exchange knowing looks before looking back at Jongin and shaking their heads simultaneously. “No,” they chorus.

Jongin groans.

After a stressful day at work, Jongin taps the passcode to his apartment and throws open the door. The first thing he notices is Yukhei’s extra large sneakers kicked off haphazardly with one of the white shoes lying on another pair of Yukhei’s sandals. Jongin holds back a sigh and carefully arranges the shoes back into place with his foot. He toes off his own shoes after.

He finds Yukhei in his usual spot on the sofa, feet resting on the coffee table as he hugs an opened bag of chips to his chest. His eyes are glued to the television and he doesn’t register Jongin’s arrival over the booming volume coming from the programme he’s watching.

Jongin stands there and considers him for a moment.

Yukhei eventually feels the set of eyes piercing through his person, and he sits up straight as he lowers his feet from the table, grinning widely. He turns off the television and sets his snack down. “’Sup, babe?” he greets. “Did you miss me?”

Jongin swallows forcefully. His mouth feels dry. Who knew five years could introduce a generation gap this wide? “What are you doing here?” Jongin asks, ignoring Yukhei’s non-questions. He tries not to look at Yukhei—he’s a sucker for those eyes, and if he stares at them for too long he’ll never be able to dump the guy.

“I was waiting for you!” Yukhei replies, getting onto his feet to approach Jongin and rest his arms on his shoulders. He presses his forehead against Jongin’s gently, not bothered that Jongin is looking everywhere but at him. “How was work?”

Jongin shrugs. “Terrible.”

“Well, I can’t imagine work being fun, so that’s valid,” Yukhei mutters, sounding apologetic. “What do you have in mind for the rest of the night? I can make you dinner, or we can eat out… or we can get takeout and watch this hilarious stand-up performance Ten- _hyung_ told me about the other day.”

Jongin finally turns to look at Yukhei, taking in those large, puppy-like brown eyes that have never failed, and will never fail, to make him feel all warm inside. He quickly dispels the pleasant feeling by averting his gaze, stepping back so they aren’t pressed up against each other anymore. He needs to put some distance between them before saying what he has to say next.

Yukhei looks blissfully unaware. He tilts his head to a side, still smiling, but there’s an obvious sense of bewilderment to his expression. He lets Jongin have his space, however, and doesn’t move forward. “ _Hyung_?” he says. He never calls Jongin “ _hyung_ ” unless he wants to have the upper hand in any situation. It has proven to be very effective in the past.

Jongin blatantly ignores him. “We need to talk,” Jongin announces, taking a deep breath. “I think we need to stop seeing each other.”

“Is this because of what I said the other day?” Yukhei asks, rolling his eyes as he crosses his arms. He doesn’t look particularly bothered by Jongin’s suggestion that they break up. Something about this doesn’t sit right with him. Yukhei wouldn’t be this calm if this was the first time that he’s hearing of this, someone must’ve told him beforehand. “Look, Baekhyun- _hyung_ told me Taemin- _hyung_ told him that you had a blackout moment after I said ‘I love you’, but I’m pretty sure I told you that it doesn’t matter if you never say it back.”

 _Baekhyun_. “Did Baekhyun- _hyung_ tell you that I was going to break up with you?”

Yukhei nods. “Yes, but that’s not the point. This is between you and me,” he says, waving Jongin’s question away. “Give me one good reason why we shouldn’t be together.”

“One, you’re too young for me,” Jongin raises his index finger to begin a count. “Two, I’m too old for you. Three, we have a five-year age gap between us. Four, I’m going to be 30 by the time you hit your mid-twenties, and five, you’re too young for me.”

“Points one to five are all the same point,” Yukhei states. “And one and five are even worded exactly the same.”

“You said to give you ‘ _one_ good reason’.”

Yukhei shakes his head. “Well, that’s not a good reason. The age gap is all in your head,” his voice is calm as he reasons with Jongin. Curse him and his even temper. “I don’t see why the years we were born in matter. It’s not like we have 50 years between us, now _that_ would be weird.”

“You know what else is weird? When I was 5 and already speaking in sentences, you were just born,” Jongin points out, conscious of how Yukhei is now coming closer to crowd into his space once more, casually wrapping his arms around Jongin’s chest when he steps behind him.

Yukhei rests his chin on Jongin’s shoulder, pressing himself against Jongin’s back as he exhales dejectedly. “I’m a lot older than you think, you know,” Yukhei says quietly.

“Huh?” Jongin exclaims. “Wait, you are?”

Yukhei suddenly realises how his previous statement sounded. “No, I just meant like… I’m a lot older than you think in terms of maturity,” he rephrases his sentence. “You don’t give me enough credit. I’m wise for my age.”

Jongin shakes his head, leaning back into Yukhei’s embrace against his conscious will. He’s a bit too comfortable to support his own weight by the time he becomes aware of what he’s doing. “I just think…”

“Then maybe you should stop thinking.”

“Baekhyun- _hyung_ said that to me too,” Jongin scoffs.

“Well, you should listen to him.” Yukhei relaxes his hold on Jongin and gently manoeuvres Jongin’s body around so they’re facing each other again. “Okay, let’s come to an agreement. Give me six months,” he says, and he’s looking at Jongin with _those_ eyes. “Give me six months to prove to you that I’m as much of an adult as you are.”

Whatever argument Jongin had cued in his head dies on his lips as he continues looking into Yukhei’s eyes. Damn those fucking eyes. He shakes his head, hoping to break out of his trance, but his attempt to take charge of the situation once more is futile.

Yukhei isn’t asking for too much. Six months isn’t a particularly long amount of time. Jongin doesn’t harbour any ill feelings towards Yukhei as a person, and having Yukhei around hasn’t been unpleasant at all. Six months… six months.

“ _Hyung_?” Yukhei lands the winning blow.

Jongin feels his resolve crumble. He grunts. “Whatever.”

The grin that takes over Yukhei’s face is infectious. “You can use this time to write up your magnum opus inspired by yours truly,” he suggests. “‘The Six Months It Took for Me to Realise that Age Gaps Are a Myth and that My Boyfriend is The Best’. Your readers will love it.”

“Boyfriend?” Jongin asks, raising an eyebrow at Yukhei’s choice of words. They haven’t really used that label with each other—at least, Jongin hasn’t used it.

“Well… the six-month test drive starts now, so we’re dating, aren’t we? Why wouldn’t I be your boyfriend?”

Jongin is still very much under the spell of Yukhei’s eyes, so he blinks blankly before tilting his head slightly to place a gentle peck at the edge of Yukhei’s lips. That’ll distract him from expecting an answer to his question.

“What do you want for dinner?” Yukhei asks, contented that he got a kiss out of it, regardless of how bare minimum it was. He’s incredibly easy to please.

Jongin shrugs. “Whatever you want.”

That makes Yukhei beam at him. “Okay! I’ll call the shots,” he announces, playing up his newfound role of being mature. He picks up his phone and dials the number to one of their favourite Chinese takeout spots. Before the call goes through, he covers the mic of his phone as he tosses Jongin a look of puzzlement. “What was the name of that pork dish with sauce again?”

Jongin raises an eyebrow in question. Yukhei’s the Chinese person between the two of them. “ _Tangsuyuk_?”

“Ah, yes! Thanks, babe, you’re a lifesaver.”

Jongin already has a rough idea of how the next six months will go.

* * *

**The Cons of Having a Younger Partner (Because There Aren’t Any Pros)**  
**by Kim Jongin**

**_One: Hanging out with your younger partner’s friends is basically babysitting._ **

Jongin has to remind himself that it’s only fair that he meets with Yukhei’s friends every once in a while whenever Yukhei invites him along. Yukhei has accompanied him to uncomfortable company dinners every now and then, and he always asks to go out with him even when his plans involve drinking himself into oblivion after complaining about his life with his same-aged friends.

Jongin has been friends with Taemin and co. for long enough to know that they’re not the most exciting bunch, but Yukhei is always so enthusiastic whenever he meets them that it makes Jongin feel like he should put more effort into getting to know Yukhei’s friends too.

That seems like a good idea until Jongin remembers just why he avoids Yukhei’s friends like the plague. He doesn’t belong. It’s a gathering of the worst that Generation Z has to offer. Jongin doesn’t know what’s happening around the table as he hears chatter come from every direction in the booth of the bar they’re in. There are even people sitting on the barrier between the seats of the booths just to join in on the conversation.

Jongin’s perplexity is conveniently hidden in the midst of the noise. Yukhei is guffawing loudly at a bad joke someone cracked beside him, and Jongin wonders if he’s too old to get the joke because it completely went over his head.

“Xuxi,” one of Yukhei’s friends—Kunhang, Jongin recalls—lifts the Jägerbomb in his hands and tips it in Jongin’s direction. It sloshes out of the glass but Kunhang isn’t bothered. “Your boyfriend’s getting bored.”

Yukhei stops laughing and turns to look at Jongin. He rests a warm palm on Jongin’s thigh, squeezing gently to show his concern. “Are you tired, babe?”

Jongin shakes his head. “No, I was just thinking about work,” he lies. He sees multiple pairs of eyes set on him when he reaches for his drink, and he momentarily pauses. “So… how do you guys know Lucas?” It seems like a stupid question to ask given that Yukhei gave him a quick rundown on who’s who before they came to the bar, but Jongin wants to give them the impression that he’s interested in them.

Mark, who Jongin has met briefly on other occasions, speaks up first. “All you need to know is that I’m the only non-Chinese person here,” he points out unhelpfully. “Except you, of course. The rest of these devils are Kunhang, Dejun, Renjun, and Chenle. We all met at the international students’ society in uni.”

Jongin nods, zeroing in on Chenle showing Renjun a video on the Chinese version of TikTok. God, this is fucked up. He makes a mental note to be less judgemental.

“Let’s be real,” Dejun nudges Mark and says. “We aren’t just ‘his friends from the internationals society’. We all know Xuxi a lot better than we wish we did.”

Jongin turns to look at Yukhei. Yukhei only rolls his eyes at Dejun’s words.

“We’re not talking about that,” Renjun cuts in. “How many drinks did Dejun have? I specifically told him not to ruin the good vibes today.”

Mark blushes a deep shade of red and that in itself is telling enough. Jongin knows all about Mark, though. Mark and Yukhei had a brief fling prior to Yukhei meeting Jongin, and it was all physical with no strings attached. Jongin found it weird that Yukhei got involved with one of his best friends, but he can’t deny that he’s also drunkenly made out with Taemin once or twice.

“Come on, don’t make Jongin- _hyung_ uncomfortable,” Mark mumbles, nursing his cider. “We were supposed to have fun and make him feel like a part of the crew.”

“He _is_ a part of the crew,” Kunhang laughs.

“Don’t say it—” Chenle exclaims, but it’s too late.

“The crew that’s seen Xuxi’s penis!”

Jongin grimaces as Dejun and Kunhang burst out into maniacal laughter. They are definitely drunk, but they haven’t been pacing themselves with their drinks so Jongin isn’t particularly surprised. He steals a glance at Yukhei, and the latter directs a wide-eyed expression Jongin’s way. Jongin can sense that Yukhei is panicking a little, but he schools his expression into a neutral one to hide his surprise.

“I’m sorry about them,” Yukhei leans over to whisper into Jongin’s ear. “They’re not usually like this.”

Jongin purses his lips. He makes sure to lower his voice when he asks, “Have you slept with everyone at this table?” He’s not angry, neither is he jealous. He’s simply curious.

Yukhei blinks innocently at him as he shakes his head vehemently. “Not Chenle,” he replies. “He’s like a little brother to me.”

Well, that makes it 80% of the people present. Jongin takes even breaths in hopes to clear his head as Yukhei excuses himself to help Kunhang get to the washroom.

“I’m sorry about what they said,” Mark says from across the table. He probably saw Jongin and Yukhei speaking in hushed whispers and assumed that they were having an argument because of what the other guys said. “I don’t want you to misunderstand anything. Everything’s strictly platonic. Whatever happened before is entirely behind us.”

Jongin waves the matter away. He can’t stand seeing Mark sad. As odd as it is, he feels some sort of brotherly instinct for the guy. “No, I’m just surprised that you’re all still friends with Lucas after seeing his junk,” Jongin attempts to joke.

Renjun winces slightly. “If it makes you feel any better, we’ve all slept with each other in one way or another,” he explains. “Except Chenle, though. That would be weird.”

Chenle snorts. “You’re all too old for me anyway,” he bites back, but he spots Jongin opposite him. “Uh, no offence, _hyung_.”

Jongin smiles weakly. “None taken.”

When Yukhei returns with Kunhang from the washroom, he shoves Kunhang into Mark’s arms before pulling out his phone to call for a taxi. “I think we’ve had enough fun for one night,” Yukhei says, narrowing his eyes at Dejun’s form collapsed onto the table in distaste. “I’ll take Kunhang home since his place is on the way to Jongin- _hyung_ ’s apartment. Can the rest of you share a taxi?”

Jongin isn’t really listening to what’s going on anymore as watches the way the group of friends interact. He sees Renjun jab Dejun violently in the ribs to jolt him awake. He notices that Mark punches Yukhei with _a lot_ of force when Yukhei makes a joke at Kunhang’s expense. Kunhang straight-up throws up on Dejun’s shoe, and Dejun weakly smacks him across the face in his drunken stupor.

He believes them when they say their friendships are entirely platonic.

Yukhei has Chenle caught in a headlock when a taxi pulls up at the sidewalk. He pinches Chenle’s cheek hard enough to leave a red mark before sending the boy on his way.

Kunhang is leaning against a pillar by the time the group of them have left, and Yukhei only lazily supports him by the shoulders as they make their way to Jongin’s car. Jongin had a Shirley Temple earlier to make sure that he could be the designated driver, already anticipating that these babies would cause trouble in one way or another.

After they’ve dropped Kunhang off at his place, Jongin hums distractedly as he drives home. He realises that Yukhei’s eyes are on him when he parks into his usual spot. “Hmm?” he asks, unbuckling his seatbelt. “Wait, did you want me to take you home too?”

Yukhei juts his bottom lip out slightly in something of a pout. “You know that I only _lo_ —have feelings for you, right?”

Jongin nods slowly. “Um, yeah?”

“And you know that I’d tell you anything as long as you asked, right? Even if you didn’t ask. Anything as long as it matters.”

“Yeah, I trust you,” Jongin replies. He does. If anything, watching Yukhei interact with his exes-turned-friends (or are they friends-turned-exes?) only further cemented that fact. “I’m not mad at you. I promise. I just don’t understand you Gen Z kids.”

Yukhei finally motions to get out of the car. “What do you mean?” he asks as they’re walking towards the lift to take them to their floor.

“Why do you fuck all your friends?” Jongin asks, and when he sees Yukhei’s scandalised expression, he bursts out into laughter.

Yukhei joins him soon after, scratching the back of his neck embarrassedly. “I think it’s a stretch for you to call it a ‘Gen Z thing’. But, really, been there, done that. That’s not something I ever want to revisit. I only want you now.”

Jongin shakes his head, letting Yukhei wrap his arms around him as he pulls him flush against his chest. “You’ve got a real way with words,” he huffs, glaring at Yukhei in mock disapproval.

“You like it, though, don’t you?”

Jongin begrudgingly admits that he does.

* * *

**_Two: As the older partner, you become your younger partner’s acting guardian._ **

“Mummy, I swear I’m fine,” Jongin hears Yukhei say into the phone for the umpteenth time that day. He’s been on a call with his mother for the past hour, and every time Jongin thinks the conversation is starting to get interesting, Yukhei ends up assuring his mother that yes, he is in fact healthy and well. Jongin doesn’t know many phrases in Cantonese, if any at all, but he can gauge what the conversation is about based on Yukhei’s expression by now.

He idly types into his laptop as he sits crosslegged by the coffee table. Yukhei’s seated on the sofa right behind him, and Yukhei’s legs act as the perfect backrest for Jongin as he leans back and reads through his own work.

Jongin hasn’t written anything substantial in over a month. He still churns out piece after piece to be published onto the website, but he hasn’t written anything that he’s deemed outstanding as of late. Writer’s block is a real bitch, and listening to Yukhei whine to his mother over the phone in a foreign language seems infinitely more interesting than having to read through his readers’ heartbreak stories that they submitted for his weekly relationship advice column.

Baekhyun always says that it’s ironic that Jongin runs one of the most successful series tackling relationships and love on the website given that he has “the worst case of commitment issues known to mankind.” Jongin begs to differ. He thinks his realistic view on the subject is what’s contributing to the popularity of his segment.

Not everybody believes in fairytale romances.

“Yes, mummy,” Yukhei says with finality. He then mumbles something in Cantonese that Jongin can’t quite interpret, but there’s a rumble of laughter from the other end of the line, so Jongin assumes that he’s finally quelled his mother’s worries about his wellbeing.

Yukhei finally hangs up after what feels like hours on the phone.

“Is she still worried about you?” Jongin asks casually. He stares at a particularly concerning readers’ submission about an obsession with tracking their partner’s whereabouts on their phone. “You’ve lived abroad for two years.”

Yukhei breathes out a drawn out sigh. He leans forward to rest his chin on the crown of Jongin’s head, and Jongin can feel him reading the words on his screen too. He’ll ask Yukhei for his opinion on how he should respond to this reader later. “She’s always worried about me,” Yukhei supplies. “But I think that’s a normal reaction when you’re a parent. I told her there’s nothing to worry about, though. I have someone to take care of me.”

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out who Yukhei is talking about. Jongin feels his cheeks warm, and he’s thankful that Yukhei is sitting behind him because he doesn’t think he’d be able to live it down if Yukhei saw him blush. “You make it sound like I do it voluntarily,” he retorts. “You hang around here seven days a week. I don’t really have a choice in the matter.”

Yukhei laughs. “Well, if it’s any consolation, my mum was very happy to hear that I’m under the care of a nice man who keeps me clothed and fed. She keeps telling me to take you home for Christmas.”

“I keep you clothed and fed?” Jongin turns to look at Yukhei incredulously. “You told her that? Don’t you think that makes me sound like a creepy old man who took in some orphaned child from the streets?”

“I wouldn’t call you creepy,” Yukhei says, grinning. “Or old. Maybe… a sexy older guy with a stable paying job who’s generous enough to provide for a pitiful, struggling student like me.”

Jongin grunts as Yukhei leans down to peck the tip of his nose. He wriggles out of Yukhei’s grasp later. “Now you just made me sound like a sugar daddy.”

Yukhei tilts his head to a side, feigning ignorance. He blinks his large brown eyes at Jongin innocently. “Aren’t you my sugar daddy, though?” he asks, pouting slightly. “Aren’t you… _daddy_?”

Jongin reaches up to tug at Yukhei’s earlobe, making the latter wince in discomfort. “You’re not funny, Wong Yukhei,” he deadpans, resisting the urge to laugh. He’s not going to give Yukhei the satisfaction. “Call me that again and I’ll send you packing for good.”

“You can’t do that!” Yukhei argues. “You promised that you wouldn’t break up with me for six months!”

Jongin lets go of Yukhei’s ear as he turns to resume working. “I made no such promise,” Jongin huffs. He types a few filler words into his opened document before he feels Yukhei lean back down to rest his head on Jongin’s shoulder this time.

Yukhei presses a few gentle kisses against the exposed column of Jongin’s neck, and Jongin squirms in place to get him to stop.

“No, we’re not doing this right after you just called me the D-word.”

Yukhei chuckles lightly and his warm breath heats up against Jongin’s skin. He presses one final kiss against Jongin’s jaw. “Fine,” he relents. “I’m hungry.”

Jongin’s shoulders relax when Yukhei detaches himself from him to go rummage in the pantry for some snacks. “I bought a bag of chips for you,” Jongin shouts in the direction of the kitchen. “They’re on the counter.”

Yukhei whoops excitedly and Jongin hears the rustling of the bag of chips being opened. “By the way, babe, do you have any underwear I can borrow? I haven’t done my laundry in a week and Sicheng- _gē_ won’t let me borrow his.”

Jongin shakes his head. “Gross,” he mutters. “We’ll go buy new ones later.”

Yukhei runs over to feed Jongin a chip before giving him an appreciative peck on the cheek. “Thanks, baby,” he says, flopping onto the couch as he pulls out his phone presumably to scroll through his Instagram feed for the next hour or so. “You’re the best.”

Jongin wonders when he signed the papers to adopt a giant man-child.

* * *

**_Three: It’s repetitive having to watch your younger partner tackle issues that you’ve already experienced._ **

If Jongin complains about having to deal with Yukhei when he’s too energetic for his own good on a Sunday morning, he struggles even more with handling a mopey Yukhei who’s not in the mood for anything on a free weekend. Yukhei would usually suggest all kinds of ridiculous activities for the two of them to do together, from a couples’ pottery class to taking a spontaneous one-day trip to a neighbouring city. His ideas are usually swiftly shot down for something more relaxed and closer to home, but Jongin appreciates the sentiment of him going out of his way to find new things for them to experience.

Today, however, Yukhei doesn’t have any grand ideas. He stayed over last night even after Jongin insisted that he go home and let his housemate know that he hasn’t disappeared from the face of the earth. “Kun- _gē_ knows I’m here,” Yukhei said dismissively in stark contrast to his usual playful whine. “It’s fine.”

They then spent a good part of the night just lying down in silence. Sometime during the somewhat unsettling stillness, Yukhei invaded Jongin’s space by repositioning their bodies so he could bury his head in Jongin’s chest. Jongin didn’t mind the closeness, but he knew that he’d come to regret it once Yukhei fell asleep because he has a penchant for smacking him in his slumber.

“Okay, Lucas,” Jongin says with finality when he’s had enough of watching Yukhei stare at a variety show on TV with a frown on his face. Yukhei usually guffaws even at the unfunny parts. “Are you ready to tell me what’s wrong?”

Yukhei looks up dazedly at where Jongin is standing beside him with his arms crossed. “Huh?” he asks. “What’s wrong?”

“Why don’t _you_ tell _me_ what’s wrong. You’ve been distracted all night, and you haven’t suggested that we go fishing in Busan this morning.”

Yukhei’s eyes widen slightly. “Do you want to go fishing in Busan?”

“No,” Jongin exclaims. “I don’t. It’s too last-minute. Anyway, I just want to know what’s wrong. You seem troubled. What’s on your mind?”

After a moment of contemplation, Yukhei reaches his arms out to wrap them around Jongin’s waist. He pulls Jongin closer, and he presses his cheek against the soft wool of Jongin’s sweater as Jongin absentmindedly runs his fingers through his hair. He doesn’t say anything yet.

“Come on, you big baby. Tell me what’s bothering you.”

“I don’t know what I want to do in the future,” Yukhei mumbles quietly. He sounds a bit bashful to be admitting it, but Jongin knows all about that feeling. “I’m graduating this year but I just don’t know… Everyone has their life together but I’m still…”

It’s something Jongin personally struggled with in his final year of university. There’s a buffer period right betweenthe conclusion of mid-terms and just before the final exams. Only the last of the classes for the semester are left and all the important assignments have already been submitted. It’s prime time to explore any areas of interest by applying for internships or working on extra credit projects. Jongin _hated_ that time.

Everybody looked so put together while he was struggling with whether he even liked journalism at all. Sure, it was a dumb move for him to jump headfirst into his major without considering that there wouldn’t be a way out, but he was young and foolish, and no one ever told him that there would be consequences for his actions. Jongin looks to Yukhei, all curled up in his arms like a child.

He sighs. He didn’t know that he’d be acting as a guidance counsellor in addition to being Yukhei’s… um, person of romantic interest. He doesn’t think he really wants to put a label on it on his end just quite yet.

“I’ve been in your shoes,” Jongin admits, continuing to stroke Yukhei’s head in what he hopes is a comforting gesture. “It’s common to feel that way. I don’t think you ever stop feeling like that.”

Yukhei groans. “Wow, that just made me feel _so_ much better,” he says rather sarcastically, and Jongin can already feel him pouting against his sweater.

“It’s just a realistic take on things,” Jongin adds, smiling to himself when he hears Yukhei whine in an effort to get him to stop talking. “Okay, I don’t want to bum you out entirely about life… but, you know, I’ve been there. I was once just like you, and I turned out fine.”

Yukhei finally looks up, his large brown eyes blinking slowly as they search for Jongin’s. He still has his arms wrapped tightly around Jongin’s waist, as if this small form of body contact is what’s keeping him alive. “You’re different,” he replies, and he looks earnest as he continues speaking. “You’re perfect.”

Jongin feels a bit of heat spread to his cheeks. He hates that Yukhei puts him on a pedestal. He’s far from perfect, especially when it comes to the way he handles his relationships— _their_ relationship. “What I’m trying to say is,” Jongin changes the subject swiftly before he can get any redder. “Life isn’t a race. We’re all getting through it at our own pace, and I know it feels stressful whenever the people around you seem like they have it all put together, but… this is your life. You’re unique. You might want something different from them, and maybe it’ll take you a bit of time to find out what that is, but that’s okay. We’ll get through it.”

There aren’t too many flowery words in that short speech, and Jongin feels slightly embarrassed that he let something like that fall from between his lips unfiltered, but Yukhei looks impressed. Yukhei’s gaze is soft as he smiles up at Jongin, and he releases his grip on Jongin’s waist to pull him onto his lap and into a warm embrace. “Thank you, _hyung_ ,” he whispers, his breath ghosting over Jongin’s nape. “That means a lot to me.”

Jongin is surprised, but he relaxes into Yukhei’s hold and pats his back gently. “What are you thanking me for? I didn’t do anything.”

“You said, ‘We’ll get through it.’ And we will,” Yukhei explains, leaning back with a beam. “Just having you by my side helps.”

Jongin shakes his head. “You’re a bright kid,” he ruffles Yukhei’s hair and pointedly ignores the pout that’s forming on his face from being treated like a child. “I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”

“ _We_ ’ll figure it out,” Yukhei says, with emphasis on the ‘we’. “I feel a lot better now.”

“Do you still want to go hiking in Jeju Island?”

Yukhei’s ears perk up in interest. “Really? Can we do that?”

“No, it’s too far,” Jongin says, laughing when Yukhei narrows his eyes at him in distaste for having led him on. “Does ice cream in the park downstairs work? My treat.”

After a short moment of contemplation, Yukhei nods. He hoists Jongin up and carries him in his arms like he weighs nothing and peppers kisses all over his face. It almost makes Jongin regret brightening up his mood. “I want extra sprinkles,” he says, not bothered by Jongin’s attempts to escape his hold. “And can I also get a snack? I’m starving.”

“Only if you put me down!” Jongin yells, glaring at him.

Yukhei giggles but eventually relents. “I want to eat a really really _really_ big chicken cutlet.”

Jongin holds back the urge to flick him over the forehead.

* * *

**_Four: Your younger partner is more of a friend to children instead of a guardian._ **

When Jongin’s sister called and said that she had a work emergency and needed to go sort some issues out of town with her husband, Jongin didn’t really think much of it. He just wished her well as he typed robotically into his laptop while listening to her complain about how there weren’t any babysitters available on such short notice. Their parents live in another city, so his sister was scrambling to make last-minute arrangements on where she could leave her two children.

“ _Noona_!” Yukhei immediately shouted into the receiver. Jongin put the call on loudspeaker because he couldn’t be bothered to stop working while speaking to her. “Jongin- _hyung_ and I can take care of them for the weekend!”

Jongin should’ve known that he was eavesdropping. Yukhei had his textbooks flipped open but he had been stuck on the same page for the past hour. Jongin shot Yukhei a look, warning him not to say another word.

Yukhei paid him no mind. “I don’t think it’s safe for you to leave the kids to a stranger… Why don’t you send them to us? I can stay with Jongin- _hyung_ to help him!”

Jongin could tell that his sister was taken aback based on the silence that followed Yukhei’s offer. Jongin mentioned Yukhei to his sister once, and he hoped that she wouldn’t question who the overenthusiastic man on the phone is. He didn’t want to have to go through the trouble of having to come up with an introduction for Yukhei on the spot.

That is ultimately how Jongin ends up with his sister’s two kids invading his apartment. They’re incredibly excited for their sleepover at their uncle’s house and they’re bouncing off the walls as soon as they step into the place. Jongin cringes internally. It’s not that he doesn’t like his niece and nephew—he loves them—but he didn’t have babysitting written down in his plans and having the two of them for the weekend is going to mean that he’s not going to get any work done.

His sister is very grateful and offers to buy him souvenirs from Ulsan when she returns. She makes the children promise that they won’t torment Jongin and Yukhei too much and the kids chorus their agreement before running off to pester Yukhei to turn on a children’s programme on the television.

“Is that your new boy toy?” she asks. “You didn’t even keep the last one you told me about a few months ago. You’re really on a younger man streak, aren’t you? Is that your thing now?”

Jongin nudges her in protest. “No, he’s the same one from last time,” he begrudgingly admits. He tries to ignore how his sister’s eyes are sparkling in anticipation of what he has to say next. He dashes her hopes by saying, “And he’s not a ‘boy toy’.”

She waves his words away dismissively. “If this one doesn’t work out, at least remain on civil terms with him,” she says, letting Jongin guide her towards the front door. “He’s great with the kids and it’ll be convenient for me to have an emergency babysitter on hand.”

Jongin doesn’t bid her a formal goodbye before slamming the door in her face.

Yukhei is admittedly very good with the children. They giggle at everything he does and he entertains them throughout, not leaving any room for them to throw tantrums or have crying fits. Jongin is thankful that his apartment isn’t on the verge of breakdown from having two kids arguing the entire time, but he soon realises just why Yukhei has everything under control.

It’s precisely because Yukhei _doesn’t_.

The children are calling the shots, which is why they’re kept reasonably happy. Yukhei lets them do whatever they want, and Jongin belatedly realises just what Yukhei has agreed to after the three of them have conspired to keep their disdainful acts a secret from him. Jongin has heard of the “good cop, bad cop” strategy when it comes to parenting, but Yukhei has monopoly over the role of the “good cop” to the point where it’s starting to become ridiculous.

“Lucas- _hyung_!” Raeon, Jongin’s four-year-old nephew, whines when Jongin turns off the television to usher him off for a nap before dinner. “Jongin- _samchon_ is mean! I want Lucas- _hyung_!”

Jongin is offended. He has always been Raeon’s favourite person, but to hear that Raeon wants someone other than him to tuck him in for his nap is a slap to his face. Jongin looks at Rahee, who’s equally as surprised that her younger brother is that smitten with Yukhei. Jongin thinks that Rahee might speak up for him, but he’s dumbfounded when it turns out that Rahee is equally as taken by Yukhei as well.

“I want Lucas- _oppa_ too!”

And thus Jongin is sidelined for the kids’ new favourite person—Wong Yukhei. Yukhei manages to finish his task within 15 minutes, tucking the children in snugly before slipping out into the kitchen to join Jongin at his temporary workstation at the counter. “Need any help?” Yukhei asks, resting his chin on Jongin’s shoulder as he places his hands on Jongin’s waist. He peers at the page of Google search results for “best spaghetti bolognese recipes”.

Jongin snorts in reply. He’s a little ticked off that Yukhei has his nephew and niece eating out of the palm of his hand, but he’s also thankful that having Yukhei around took away half the stress of the kids being over. “Raeon hates mushrooms. Do you think he’d notice if I mixed them up with the meat?” Jongin clicks into a recipe, frowning when he sees that the recipe requires wine.

“You don’t have to make the sauce from scratch,” Yukhei says. “You’re not Gordon Ramsay.”

“I don’t have pasta sauce,” Jongin replies, cursing himself for always relying on takeout. He doesn’t have many side dishes left in his fridge because his mother hasn’t packed any for him in a while, so a full Korean dinner isn’t going to be possible. He’s not about to serve the children Chinese takeout on their first night over—his sister would have his head for pumping her kids full of MSG.

“Why don’t you take a break?” Yukhei suggests, planting a quick kiss against Jongin’s temple before he steps backward. Jongin turns to see him walking towards the coat hanger to get his jacket. “I’ll run by the grocery store. You can do some work before the kids wake up, and I’ll handle dinner. How does that sound?”

Jongin is about to tell Yukhei that he’s up for the challenge of making his own pasta sauce but Yukhei leaves no room for argument by leaving before he can speak. Jongin finds himself smiling a little when he thinks about how Yukhei is going to cook them dinner when he hasn’t as much as fried an egg in Jongin’s presence. Jongin isn’t expecting much.

“I’m not going to let you have ice cream before dinner,” Jongin says sternly as Raeon crosses his arms and refuses to take a single bite of the spaghetti Yukhei made. Jongin tasted it earlier to make sure that it’s edible and Yukhei exceeded his expectations by making a pretty good dish. “Come on, Raeon. Lucas- _samchon_ worked hard to make this for you.”

“If I eat one bite, can I have ice cream later?” Raeon bargains, jutting out his bottom lip as he stares at Jongin and the forkful of spaghetti in front of his face.

“No,” Jongin replies at the same time he hears Yukhei utter “yes”. Jongin turns to glare at Yukhei. “No!”

“You’re no fun, _samchon_ ,” Rahee complains, poking at the sticks of carrot on her plate. “Lucas- _oppa_ is so much more fun.”

Yukhei shakes his head as he plucks Rahee’s fork from her to feed her the carrots. She opens her mouth immediately to crunch on the vegetables that she previously expressed hatred for. “Jongin- _hyung_ , please…” Yukhei whines on the children’s behalf. “A little ice cream won’t hurt. I even bought your favourite. Strawberry shortcake.”

Jongin narrows his eyes at Yukhei further. “That’s _your_ favourite.”

Yukhei promptly ignores him and starts mimicking Raeon’s pout. “ _Please_ ,” he blinks and makes his eyes look more watery. “Raeon will finish all the pasta if you promise we can have dessert together. Right, Raeon?”

Raeon nods fiercely. “Yes!”

Jongin has no choice but to concede defeat. The four of them end up huddled up on Jongin’s sofa after washing up, all dressed in pyjamas as Jongin tries to recall which horror movie would be the most child-friendly. Jongin initially rejected Rahee’s request to watch a horror movie, but history repeated itself and Yukhei helped the kids to pressure him into agreeing.

Thankfully, the children fall asleep before the movie can get gory. Jongin stares at their ice-cream stained faces, shaking his head as he thinks about how angelic they look now despite being the little devils they are in reality.

“Why do they call you ‘ _hyung_ ’ and ‘ _oppa_ ’?” Jongin asks Yukhei suddenly, nudging Yukhei gently with his elbow to avoid waking Rahee who’s laying in his lap. He sees Yukhei’s sleepy face turning towards him with a yawn.

“Because I’m young,” Yukhei brags, leaning over to snuggle into Jongin’s chest. “ _Hyung_ ,” he calls. “Put me to bed.”

Jongin rolls his eyes. “I already have two kids to take care of, I don’t need a third,” he states. “Put yourself to bed.”

Yukhei doesn’t reply and instead repositions himself so he’s resting his head on Jongin’s shoulder now. They don’t speak for the next 10 minutes, and soon Yukhei’s breathing evens out as a telltale sign that he’s actually fallen asleep.

Jongin looks at him, then at the children, then back at Yukhei’s face showing him settled in peaceful slumber. He reaches over to card his fingers through Yukhei’s hair—slowly and repetitively—as he continues watching the rest of the horror movie alone.

* * *

**_Five: Younger partners are clingy and need constant attention._ **

Jongin never realised how much time Yukhei spends around him until his friends start pointing it out.

“Oh, where’s my favourite boy?” Wonshik asks when he arrives at the bar, his tie loosened now that it’s after work hours.

Jongin raises an eyebrow in question. He invited Wonshik and Wonshik only, he doesn’t know who Wonshik expected to see other than Jongin himself. “What?” he asks, scrunching up his nose. “Am I not good enough for you anymore? You can invite Taemin if you want.”

Wonshik laughs. “No, I meant Lucas,” he says. “I thought you would’ve brought him. I rarely see you without him these days.”

Jongin gawks at him, unable to find the right words to say. This isn’t the first time that someone has said this to him—Moonkyu pointed it out last week over brunch, Baekhyun was briefing Jongin over the phone on his next assignment and immediately asked if Yukhei was listening in on their conversation, and sometime over the last month Jongin’s mother developed a habit of wondering where the “handsome young boy” who hangs around Jongin’s apartment is whenever she calls on FaceTime.

He never realised how it must look to everyone else because Yukhei wants to be around him all the time. Do they look like one of _those_ couples that Jongin hates so much? Is it weird that they spend so much time together?

Once Jongin comes to the revelation that they do in fact spend close to every waking moment around each other, he can’t stop thinking about it. The only time he spends apart from Yukhei is during work or whenever Yukhei has an appointment that he absolutely cannot cancel. Jongin can choose to work from home as long as he doesn’t have a meeting or a submission due that workday, and Yukhei always convinces him to stay at home so he can drop by for lunch during his breaks.

Well, that’s not the only thing Yukhei does to maximise their time together. Jongin has witnessed Yukhei blow off plans with his friends because Jongin didn’t want to go out that night on more than one occasion. Sometimes Yukhei supplies his friends with a convincing argument, sometimes he just lays on the truth and tells them that he’d much rather be around Jongin than go out that night.

Is that weird?

Jongin’s never had a partner who’s been this devoted to him before. His last few relationships ended on a sour note with their chemistry fizzling out over time, but things with Yukhei are different. It seems like time spurs Yukhei on further and his passion burns brighter with every passing moment, if that were even possible.

That’s weird, isn’t it?

“You’re getting lost in your own thoughts again,” Wonshik states. He’s already back with a drink for himself and a fruity cocktail for Jongin. “I was just joking. Don’t look so serious. It’s nice that you found someone who likes you so much. It’s cute.”

Jongin shakes himself out of his reverie and gulps down the rest of his beer. “Is it?”

Wonshik shrugs. “I’m happy that you’re not chasing after people who don’t deserve you anymore,” he hums. “Lucas is a cute kid. I like him.”

Jongin sighs. “He’s a good kid, isn’t he?” he mutters, pushing his empty glass away from him to receive the cocktail Wonshik holds out for him. “He’s too good for me.”

“Not that crap again,” Wonshik scoffs. “You’re looking for every reason under the sun to break up with the guy. Taem told me about your whole ‘he’s too young for me’ breakdown. You’re not being fair to him.”

“I just think—” Jongin is cut off by the piercing ringing tone of his phone. He pauses to pull it out of his pocket and he stares at the contact card. _Lucas_. Right, of course.

Wonshik peeks at his screen and laughs to himself. “See? Maybe that’s a sign that you should stop thinking,” he says. “The music’s a little loud in here. Why don’t you take the call outside? I’ll watch our drinks.”

Jongin nods, picking up the call and pressing his phone to his ear as he pads towards the exit. “Cas?” he starts speaking after the music has faded into the background.

“Babe?” Yukhei asks, his voice sounding a little unsure. “I just finished up with Ten- _hyung_. What time will you be done? I drove myself today so I’ll wait around for you and take you home later.”

“Hmm?” Jongin hums. “You don’t have to. I can get home by myself. Did you have dinner yet?”

Yukhei’s tone is hesitant when he replies. “Uh… yes?”

“Liar. Go grab something to eat with your friends. I can call for a taxi just fine, you should go home,” Jongin says, checking his watch for the time. It’s going to be a while before they decide to leave, and it’d be ridiculous for Yukhei to wait for him just to be his designated driver. “You have a tutorial tomorrow morning.”

“The tutorial’s optional,” Yukhei quickly replies. “I’ll just wait till you’re ready to go. I don’t want to go home. I just wanted to call to let you know that I’d pick you up… It’s not safe for you to be out alone so late.”

Jongin wants to roll his eyes and tell Yukhei that he’s been out alone way before Yukhei even reached the legal age for drinking, but he notes the earnestness in Yukhei’s voice and decides against it. He means well. Yukhei makes it a point to always keep to Jongin’s side whenever they go out at night because he has this ridiculous theory that Jongin’s very “kidnappable”. It’s stupid, but also kind of sweet.

The only reason Yukhei wasn’t here to begin with was because he had a group study session that ran late anyway.

Yukhei really likes him, doesn’t he?

“Well, I’m not going to let you just sit around and wait for two hours,” Jongin deadpans. He hears the beginnings of a whine from Yukhei’s end of the call.

“I really don’t mind,” Yukhei insists. “Pretend I never called and just let me know before you leave? Or does the knowledge that I’m waiting make things difficult? God, I’m sorry I called… Maybe I should go home, and you can call me when you’re finished? Would that be better? I really want to take you home.”

Jongin shakes his head, forgetting that Yukhei can’t see him. “Do you want to come over and join us?”

There’s silence for a few seconds before Yukhei responds. “Really?” he asks. There’s a hint of hopefulness in his tone. “I don’t want to interrupt. You haven’t had time to yourself in a while… I don’t want to be a bother…”

Jongin sighs. “You’re not a bother,” he says quietly. “Do you want to come over or not?”

Wonshik doesn’t even ask when he sees Yukhei bounding in 20 minutes later, a large grin plastered on his face as he waves and greets him with a loud, “Wonshik- _hyung_!” Yukhei proceeds to lean down and plant a quick kiss onto the crown of Jongin’s head before holding his hand habitually.

“I’m glad you could join us,” Wonshik says, offering Yukhei one of the bottles of beer he got, which Yukhei politely declines. “Why? Are you abstaining?”

“No, I drove here, so I’ll go order something clean. Can I get you guys anything?” Yukhei offers. When they both say no, he squeezes Jongin’s hand warmly before walking towards the bar.

“Is this weird?” Jongin asks Wonshik, leaning across so he can keep his voice low. “Be honest with me. Is it weird that we spend all our time together? Should I tell him we need to spend time apart?”

Wonshik snorts loudly in disapproval. “Calm down, you’re overthinking things,” he says. “Does he force himself into your plans when you don’t let him?”

“No, he likes spending time together, but he understands when I tell him I have to do things alone. He just… waits for me to get home. Like a puppy. Or a child waiting for their parent after daycare. I don’t know.”

“You talk about him like he’s some kid.”

“Maybe he is,” Jongin retorts. “He’s too young for me, isn’t he?”

Wonshik exhales deeply before taking a swig of beer. “You need to let yourself be happy, Jongin,” he states. “He seems like a sweet guy. He’d jump off a building if you asked him to, but at the same time he respects your boundaries and doesn’t push you for the things he wants from you. I think he’s a keeper.”

Jongin doesn’t have the chance to ask what Wonshik means by that because Yukhei saunters back with a virgin cocktail and an icy drink served in a pineapple. Jongin takes a quick swig of beer to take his mind off of what Wonshik just said.

“The bartender told me this is tonight’s special!” Yukhei enthuses. “I got one for you guys to try.”

Jongin smiles at him before reaching out to ruffle his hair as he’s taking a seat. “Thanks, kid. Did you get yourself a snack?”

Yukhei frowns. “I’m not a kid,” he huffs unhappily.

Jongin doesn’t want to have that debate right now, so he leans over and pecks Yukhei on the cheek in thanks, which helps put him at ease again. “You haven’t had dinner yet. You should get a snack.”

Yukhei nods obediently. “Don’t worry, I ordered something.”

Jongin pats his thigh in approval. “Anyway, Wonshik, you haven’t told me about your new job,” Jongin says, trying his best to ignore the smug grin on Wonshik’s face when he turns to look at him. “You look happier now that you’ve gotten that promotion you deserve.”

“The pay’s good,” Wonshik agrees. “I’m happy, I guess. But what makes me happier is seeing _you_ happy.”

Jongin laughs, rubbing the back of his neck as he watches Yukhei fiddle with the decorative umbrella in his drink. “I asked about your job,” he says, making it a point not to think about it too much.

Wonshik, thankfully, doesn’t press on the subject. He knows better than anyone else what topics are acceptable for discussion in front of Jongin’s partners. After all, he’s seen quite a few of them come and go over the years.

Later that night as Yukhei helps buckle a tipsy Jongin into the passenger seat of the car, Jongin reaches over to stroke Yukhei’s face with a lazy smile on his face. “Thank you,” he says quietly, blinking slowly as he tries to keep his eyes open. “You didn’t have to come.”

Yukhei grips Jongin’s hand gently as he continues holding it to his face. “I’m sorry if I interrupted your alone time,” he apologises. “I hope you’re not unhappy with me.”

Jongin leans back into his seat and shuts his eyes. “No, don’t worry,” he mumbles, withdrawing his hand and letting it fall limply onto his lap. “I’m happy with you.” He takes a few even breaths and falls asleep in seconds.

* * *

**_Six: All responsibility falls on you when you have a younger partner._ **

“Lucas,” Jongin shouts, making sure that his volume is loud enough to carry past the whirring of the vacuum cleaner as he cleans the walkway to the bedroom. He hears Yukhei make some sort of grunt in acknowledgement and he pokes his head in to glare at him through the door. “Wake up, Lucas. It’s already 10, we have a lot to do today!”

If Yukhei whines to get his way, Jongin doesn’t hear him over the noise of his vacuuming. Yukhei eventually gets out of bed, but he’s obviously reluctant to do anything other than stand in place and watch Jongin clean.

“Why are you just standing there?” Jongin asks after he’s killed the vacuum cleaner. He carries it towards the storage room and he feels Yukhei follow behind him.

“I’m tired,” Yukhei complains as he sulks. “You didn’t have to wake me up with all that noise.”

Jongin shakes his head while he kicks the door to the store room closed behind him. He pats Yukhei on the face twice as he frowns at him. “If you don’t like the way I run things at my place, then maybe you should go home.”

Yukhei makes a noise reminiscent of a kicked puppy as he widens his eyes and grips Jongin’s hand in an effort to look more pitiful. “No, this is home,” he says, all dissatisfaction with having been woken up in a way that was less than gentle forgotten. “I’ll listen. Don’t make me leave, _hyung_.”

Jongin resists the urge to roll his eyes. Yukhei’s strategy of toying with Jongin’s sympathy has long lost its effectiveness.

“I don’t want to take a shower,” Yukhei grumbles, wrapping his arms around Jongin as he leans down to bury his head in his neck. “ _Hyung_ … Can you help me wash up? My arms are tired.”

Jongin has half a mind to chew him out for it—Jongin has been up since 8.30AM cleaning the apartment while attempting to prod Yukhei awake every now and then. He was at his wit’s end before pulling out the vacuum cleaner to annoy him awake. Jongin struggles out of Yukhei’s grasp, but as he opens his mouth to scold him for acting like a spoilt brat, he accidentally looks right into Yukhei’s eyes.

Yukhei’s very large, very sparkly, and very red eyes, given that he just woke up not too long ago. He’s really playing up the kicked puppy look.

God damn it. Yukhei’s tactics of manipulation haven’t lost their powers completely. Jongin purses his lips. “You’re a real piece of work,” he mutters in defeat. He turns away from Yukhei to stomp towards the bathroom.

Yukhei continues standing where Jongin left him, and Jongin only realises that he hasn’t followed him after he starts running the water for a bath.

“Huang Xuxi!” Jongin yells, using Yukhei’s name in Chinese in what he hopes is a threatening tone. “Hurry up before I change my mind!” Jongin hears hurried footsteps against the flooring before Yukhei is all stripped and seated in the bathtub, looking up at Jongin with bright eyes. Jongin smiles to himself, celebrating that he still holds some form of authority in this relationship, but his gloating doesn’t last very long as he begins cleaning Yukhei up.

“ _Hyung_ ,” Yukhei cries, splashing some water onto his face as Jongin scrubs his hair. “You’re getting shampoo in my eyes! It hurts!”

Jongin immediately apologises and thumbs away the suds on his face, cooing at him the way he consoles his nephew whenever he gives him baths. Jongin stops when he realises what’s going on. “Wait a second,” he exclaims, looking down at Yukhei. “You’re 21.”

Yukhei shrugs, putting on a pained expression while blinking slowly as if the shampoo somehow ruined his vision. “Shampoo in your eyes hurts no matter the age. Babe, would it kill you to be gentler?”

Jongin resists the urge to smack him across his head. He glares at Yukhei as he resumes washing his hair. He deliberately applies more force to his fingertips as he cleans his scalp, muttering under his breath when he hears Yukhei hiss in pain. “I’ll let you win this time.”

When Jongin nagged that they have a lot on the agenda for the day, he meant it. He has a rough outline of what he wants to achieve today—he needs to drop some clothes off for dry cleaning, go on a grocery run, pick up the crystal glasses he ordered online for his colleague’s housewarming next week… and everything else in between, really. Knowing himself and knowing Yukhei, he allocated a generous amount of time for possible delays in between.

He doesn’t have to do everything in succession, which is convenient. Jongin drives them and makes Yukhei carry the clothes when they send them to be laundered. A good half of the load is Yukhei’s, anyway, because he insists on accompanying Jongin to events that require him to dress smart casual and he never takes the initiative to get his blazers cleaned after.

Picking up the crystal glasses comes with a little bump on the way because Jongin gets distracted by the other ornaments on display. He’s not one for home decoration, but he sometimes gets the urge to splurge on random knick knacks for the apartment that he won’t look at twice. Unfortunately, Yukhei is the last person on earth who’d ever dream of talking Jongin out of impulse-buying something that he doesn’t need, so they spend an hour browsing through the store as Jongin checks out table lamps, wine racks, and ugly looking flower vases.

“You should get this one,” Yukhei points towards a porcelain vase with oriental detailing. It’s actually rather nice, even if it doesn’t go with the rest of the furnishing in Jongin’s modern apartment. “Roses would look nice in this vase.”

Jongin chuckles as he reaches out to trace the pattern on the vase. “Roses would look terrible in it,” he says honestly. “Okay, let’s get it.”

Yukhei turns to Jongin with a surprised look on his face. “Huh?” he exclaims. “Are you sure? You just said roses…”

“Roses aren’t the only flowers in the world,” Jongin replies, picking up the vase before carrying it to the counter with Yukhei tailing behind him. “Pastel-coloured peonies would look nice in this, don’t you think?”

“I don’t know what peonies are.”

Jongin smiles at the cashier as she rings them up, pulling out his credit card for her as he smiles at Yukhei. “Figures. I knew there was a reason why you only bought me roses.”

Yukhei pouts when he notes that Jongin is making fun of him again. “I only bought you roses once!” he argues. “And you said you liked them!”

Jongin rolls his eyes, a wide grin still plastered on his face as Yukhei continues defending his supposed knowledge of flowers. “Let’s hurry to the supermarket. I still have to get things ready for dinner,” he mutters after Yukhei’s done lamenting. “And we need to stop by a florist for some flowers…”

Yukhei is relatively well-behaved as they’re buying groceries. He makes faces when Jongin throws vegetables that he doesn’t like into the cart, but he doesn’t verbally complain otherwise. He does, however, pester Jongin for a whole variety of junk food—chips, chocolate, ice cream, the likes. All of which Jongin has no choice but to say yes to because Yukhei pulls out his secret weapon—his puppy eyes.

Jongin sighs as he looks into their full cart and notes that it looks like a cart for a family with three school-aged children. Except Jongin doesn’t even have one child to feed, he just has Yukhei.

“Okay, I know you’re going to say no, but I still want to ask,” Yukhei is holding something behind his back sheepishly. “Can I get a yoghurt drink?”

Jongin shrugs. “Why would I say no to that?”

Yukhei beams before leaning forward to dump whatever he was holding into the cart, and Jongin immediately realises why Yukhei thought to ask him first. Yukhei was holding _six_ rows of Yakult—three in each hand. “Great!” he cheers, obediently pushing the cart away afterwards, likely because he wants to get as far from the dairy aisle as possible so Jongin won’t tell him to put his drinks back.

Jongin resists the urge to laugh. God, he really doesn’t know what he should do with Yukhei sometimes.

They get enough food to last them a week at the least. Jongin doesn’t know how much of the food they’ll actually eat given that they’re both lazy people and will likely resort to ordering takeout despite having all these ingredients at their disposal. He’s trying to change that, though. They’ve called the Chinese restaurant down the street one too many times and it’s getting weird because the owner knows their orders by heart now.

“ _Hyung_ ,” Yukhei calls as Jongin is busy unloading their cart onto the counter to get the groceries rung up. Nothing good ever happens whenever Yukhei uses honourifics around Jongin. “ _Hyung_!” Yukhei calls once more when Jongin ignores him the first time.

“What?” Jongin asks, stopping mid-way as he’s about to set down a bag of Yukhei’s favourite chips. “Don’t ask me for candy.”

Yukhei juts out his bottom lip in an exaggerated manner. “But I didn’t even get to ask yet…”

“Why do you always insist on getting a lollipop at the checkout counter? You hate most sweets.”

Yukhei shrugs, holding out two cola-flavoured lollipops. “Please…” he whines. “I got one for you too.”

Jongin rolls his eyes, but he takes the candy from him to add to their load anyway. Sometimes he wonders if Yukhei plays up the role of a child just to piss him off because this isn’t what he’s like with everyone else at all. In fact, Yukhei’s the textbook example of “the boy next door” when it comes to people who aren’t Jongin—he doesn’t whine, he rejects most offerings of sweets, and he’s responsible and reliable whenever he’s delegated tasks.

Yukhei is like a problem child whenever he’s around Jongin.

“189,000 won,” the cashier announces after everything has been bagged. The elderly lady eyes Jongin who’s getting fed his lollipop by Yukhei.

Jongin flushes as he feels for his wallet in his back pocket. Before Jongin can pass his credit card to the cashier, Yukhei’s already reached forward to hand her one of his own cards. Jongin doesn’t want to make a scene by asking for the cashier to hand it back to him, but he does make a mental note to return the money to Yukhei later.

“I’ll get it, babe,” Yukhei assures him as he signs the receipt.

Jongin purses his lips when they’re finished with paying. “I’ll pay you back for the groceries,” Jongin says after they’ve pushed their cart away from the counter. “I can’t let your parents pay for my stuff.”

Yukhei frowns slightly as he nudges Jongin aside so he can take full control over the cart. He looks silly with his lollipop stick between his lips. “This is _my_ money. I used my debit card.”

“Yeah, and the money comes from your parents.”

Yukhei shakes his head. “I’ve been working part-time at the university gym. I coach swimming classes. This is _my_ money, don’t worry about it.”

Jongin blinks as he recalls how Yukhei has been spending a little more time on campus lately. He always thought he was just cramming for his finals with his friends, but it certainly explains why Yukhei comes home with wet hair some evenings. “You’re working? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I wanted to surprise you like this,” Yukhei says, grinning. “Are you surprised?”

Jongin softens his expression as he sucks on his lollipop. He finally nods after a few seconds. “Good job, Cas,” he says, reaching up to ruffle Yukhei’s hair. He smiles when Yukhei makes a noise of protest because Jongin just mussed up the hairstyle he fussed over all morning. “But I’m still paying you back. I can’t take your money.”

Yukhei’s playful grumbling dies down. “Why not?” he questions. “Half these groceries are mine. This is _my_ money, I want to pay!”

“I can’t take money from a child,” Jongin says honestly. He watches as Yukhei’s face falls, but he only pats his cheek gently as they make their way to the car. “Are you mad at me?”

Yukhei doesn’t say anything, so it’s a definite yes.

Jongin sighs, hooking an arm around Yukhei’s as the latter continues pushing their cart. “You can use that money on a lot of other things. Books, video games, outings with your friends… you don’t have to spend it on me,” Jongin continues. “I can handle myself.”

“Of course you can,” Yukhei mutters. He pries open the boot once they’ve gotten to the car and unloads the groceries without another word.

Jongin can only watch him from the side as he ponders how he’s going to transfer the funds to Yukhei when he doesn’t have his banking details.

* * *

**_Seven: Having a fight with a younger partner is unpleasant. They don’t have the same drive to fight._ **

Jongin will be the first to admit that he has issues when it concerns coming clean with his romantic feelings. Especially when it comes to Yukhei. That is, if what he feels for Yukhei falls under the category of “romantic”, of course. Jongin hasn’t had the time or peace to consider things between them in a serious manner yet, given that Yukhei is always intruding on his personal time for musing.

It’s no different as the end of the year rolls by. Yukhei’s finally finished up the last of his papers for his bachelor’s degree. He tells Jongin that he got an offer to continue on with his master’s, and Jongin’s really proud of him even if they’re still confused about what comes next. Yukhei’s taking things one step at a time, and he thinks furthering his studies will help him decide on which path he should take next.

It seems like it’s going to be a beautiful end to the year. Except it’s not.

“Babe, Christmas is a few weeks away,” Yukhei starts as they wash the dishes after their dinner of _ramyeon_ and grilled meat. Yukhei is on drying duty as Jongin rinses their utensils, and he’s looking at Jongin earnestly as if Jongin should know what he’s trying to convey without him having to actually say it.

Sadly, Jongin doesn’t. “Uh huh,” Jongin hums, resting the last of the plates in the drying rack as he soaps up his hands.

“Have you thought about going home with me?”

Jongin pauses momentarily, leaving the water tap running. Go home with him? What? “Huh?” Jongin dumbly asks, turning the tap off after he’s finished washing his hands. He blinks at Yukhei blankly as Yukhei finishes wiping down the plates.

“We talked about it a few months ago,” Yukhei reminds him. “About you coming back with me to Hong Kong to meet my family. My mum asked me to take you home for Christmas, remember?”

Jongin doesn’t know what to say. He’s not prepared to meet Yukhei’s family. How can he even look his family in the eye when they’re not even official? It’s not that he doesn’t want to meet them, but it just seems like a drastically large step for someone who doesn’t have their shit together yet. Plus, wouldn’t it make things worse if he were to meet Yukhei’s parents only to break up with him later?

The consequences are dire. Mr. and Mrs. Wong have been perfect sweethearts over their FaceTime calls with Jongin—they communicated via garbled words of English intermixed with the little bits of their native languages, but they’ve only ever exchanged simple “hello”s and “goodbye”s. Nothing significant enough to warrant Jongin flying out of the country to intrude into their home for Christmas.

“No, I don’t think so,” Jongin replies, swallowing the lump that’s formed in his throat as he quickly turns away to pad into the hallway and rush towards his bedroom.

“No as in you don’t think we’ve talked about it or no as in you don’t want to go?” Yukhei asks, tailing behind him. “ _Hyung_ , I—”

“No,” Jongin interjects before Yukhei can finish his sentence. He sits down on the edge of the bed as he crosses his arms. “I don’t want to go.”

Yukhei recoils at Jongin’s words, but he remains levelheaded as he speaks. “I know what you’re thinking, but we still have a few weeks. You don’t have to make a decision right now…”

“No, Lucas,” Jongin snaps. “I can’t just drop everything and go to Hong Kong with you. I have responsibilities I need to tend to, deadlines I have to meet. I can’t just leave the country with you because I feel like it. You can’t make plans at the last minute as an adult, Lucas.”

Yukhei’s jaw is clenched but doesn’t say a word, and Jongin wonders if he might’ve finally broken him. Maybe this is when Yukhei finally explodes and decides that Jongin isn’t worth all this trouble. It’d certainly save them a little bit of time to call it quits now.

“Sometimes I wish you’d just… I don’t know, grow up,” Jongin says, and he waits for Yukhei’s argument in turn. He doesn’t want to argue, but at the same time he kind of does. Anything to get him out of having to address the question of whether he wants to go. It’s easier to think about whether he _should_ go.

Yukhei remains silent for the next few minutes, and Jongin doesn’t think that they’ve ever been this quiet with each other. There’s always some form a noise even when it’s just the two of them, but now it seems like pin-drop silence.

Jongin sighs. “You’re mad at me, aren’t you,” Jongin says. He looks up from where he was previously staring at his hands in his lap, and instead of seeing Yukhei glaring at him with an expression of defiance, he sees Yukhei standing at the doorway, looking down at the floor in contemplation.

Yukhei pushes Jongin’s hand away when Jongin approaches him to touch him. “Don’t,” he bites out, but he doesn’t sound as cold as Jongin expected. Yukhei’s eyes are reddened and there’s an obvious glistening of tears pooling around his eyes as he tries to blink them back to no avail.

Jongin can only watch as Yukhei carelessly swipes at his tears with the back of his hand. Jongin feels bad—he’d be a monster if he didn’t. He wants to apologise, but his ego won’t let him, not when there’s a certain weight of truth to his words.

Sometimes he wonders if he’s holding Yukhei back by staying together with him. Yukhei is young with so many better prospects ahead of him—it doesn’t make sense for Jongin to hold on to him when he can’t make up his mind regarding what he wants them to be. They’re in different phases of their lives with different viewing points of the world.

Yukhei is too young to understand what Jongin needs… _Jongin_ doesn’t even know what Jongin needs.

“I don’t know what I should do,” Yukhei finally breaks the silence to say, and his voice is shaky as he speaks. “I try to do the things you want me to, but whatever I do is never enough.”

Jongin feels his chest tighten as he tries to reach forward again. He wants to wipe away the tears trailing down Yukhei’s face. He hates it whenever he cries.

Yukhei only steps back to avoid his touch. “Don’t,” Yukhei states again. “I try to take care of you the way you want me to. I try to be more ‘adult’ for you. You don’t like it whenever I say ‘I love you’, so I don’t say it anymore. You want me to be more responsible so I took up a job and I try to pull my own weight in our relationship…”

“Lucas—”

“You say you want me to be more ‘adult’ but you still insist on treating me like a child. You won’t let me pay for you, you won’t let me protect you, you won’t let me do anything for you—”

Jongin can see more tears rolling down Yukhei’s face as he continues speaking. It hurts. It hurts knowing that Jongin is the one who put that look on Yukhei’s face. Jongin feels a familiar sting in his own eyes as well, but he evens out his breathing in an attempt to keep them from flowing down.

“I’m… I…” Yukhei continues, but he chokes up mid-sentence. “I just want you to like me. Just a little bit. Is that too much to ask?”

Jongin tries to find the right words to say. He wishes that there was a way to make this all disappear. He doesn’t know what he can say to make things better. He likes Yukhei, he really does, but there are so many aspects that make a relationship besides simple emotions. Love on its own isn’t going to keep a relationship afloat, and maybe Yukhei’s too young to understand that. Jongin doesn’t want to jump into things only to regret it when it all goes south.

He doesn’t want to get hurt again. Not after last time.

Jongin is afraid. He’s so fucking afraid. He’s afraid of having to take a risk, he’s afraid of the uncertainty, the vulnerability—he’s afraid of how much he does like Yukhei, and how much he’d have to give up for him if he were to admit this to himself.

“Lucas, I—”

Yukhei doesn’t want to hear it. He holds up a hand to stop Jongin from continuing as he turns away to wipe the rest of his tears with the sleeve of his shirt. When Jongin thinks he’s about to look back at him, Yukhei doesn’t. He walks away.

For the first time ever, Yukhei is walking away from him.

And Jongin feels like a fucking coward because he can’t bring himself to stop him from leaving.

* * *

~~**_Idea: Maybe the older partner might also have their own share of faults._ ** ~~

“Well, you look like fucking shit,” Taemin comments when he shows up at Jongin’s place unannounced at 10.30AM in the morning. He’s holding two large paper bags in his hands and he doesn’t let the angry scowl on Jongin’s face deter him from making himself at home. He pushes past Jongin, toeing off his shoes before setting the bags down so he can take off his coat. “Are you ready to admit that you’re miserable yet?”

Jongin shuts the door and promptly ignores Taemin. He hasn’t felt this alive in years. Sure, he hasn’t had the drive to write for the past couple of weeks, and maybe he’s gotten some negative feedback for encouraging his readers to break up with their partners early to “avoid any potential form of heartbreak in the long run”, but he’s been faring well in other aspects of his life.

He’s had the time to think things through and finally mull over the past eight months or so without any interruption. Being left alone to his thoughts has done wonders for his self-discovery. He’s come to learn that he doesn’t like himself very much, but that’s normal! Nobody likes themselves.

Taemin continues making snide comments as he enters the kitchen as if this were his own apartment. He busies himself with cooking up a simple meal and Jongin doesn’t bother to help out because Taemin’s practically family. He doesn’t care enough to put on a façade of politeness in front of him.

Plus, Taemin doesn’t deserve his help. Not after repeatedly stomping on Jongin’s dignity by pointing out things that Jongin already knows about himself—Jongin doesn’t care to recall them inside his head.

The doorbell rings just as Jongin is prepared to nestle up on his sofa and build one of the mini Lego figurines that he bought a few months ago.

“That must be Baekhyun and Taeyong,” Taemin shouts from the kitchen. “Get off your ass and answer the door!”

Jongin doesn’t remember sending out invitations for a get-together at his apartment—not after what just happened to him—so this must be Taemin’s doing. Trust Taemin to invite others to intrude on Jongin’s peace during his self-declared isolation period. Jongin rolls his eyes in annoyance as he lets his two unexpected guests in.

“Phew,” Baekhyun exclaims as he looks Jongin up and down. “Would it kill you to shave that stubble? You’re definitely better looking when you’re clean-shaven.”

Taeyong elbows Baekhyun with enough force to cause the latter to let out an “oomph” sound. “Hi, Jongin- _hyung_ ,” he greets, but he doesn’t look particularly happy. “We brought sangria.”

Jongin smiles kindly at Taeyong before directly a death glare Baekhyun’s way. He only knows Taeyong by extension from Baekhyun so some form of civility is required in his interactions with the man. He doesn’t know how or why Taeyong puts up with Baekhyun to begin with. “It’s so nice of you to drop by without telling me first,” Jongin deadpans as Baekhyun pushes past him to get into the apartment.

“Don’t worry about it,” Baekhyun says, waving Jongin’s false courtesy away. “Taemin said he’d be serving brunch. I’m just here to find out if food poisoning can actually kill.”

Taeyong laughs as he enters the kitchen to play sous chef to Taemin’s unqualified head chef.

“So,” Baekhyun starts, following Jongin towards the sofa to take a seat. “You actually managed to fuck it up, huh?”

Jongin grunts in reply. “I did not fuck it up. We’re better off apart anyway.”

Baekhyun exhales harshly through his nose. “I wish I believed you,” he says. “You look absolutely terrible and the quality of your work recently reflects exactly how you’re feeling. Tyong told me that Lucas has been out drinking with his buddies every other day and he won’t stop blaming me for setting Lucas up for failure by encouraging him to pursue you… I thought you were finally giving him a chance after your breakdown way back then.”

Jongin worries on his bottom lip as he tugs on the edges of his sweater. “I told you it wasn’t going to work out. He’s too young for me.”

Baekhyun sighs. “Not that nonsense again. He wasn’t too young for you the first night you met at the bar and somehow his age suddenly becomes an issue just because he wants to go steady?”

Jongin hates that Baekhyun isn’t wrong. Jongin knows that he’s exaggerating his age difference with Yukhei to a certain extent. Jongin is a consenting adult, Yukhei is a consenting adult, and five years isn’t that big of a deal when all things are considered. Jongin doesn’t have a strong enough argument to rebuff Baekhyun’s criticism so he keeps quiet.

“Okay, let’s pretend that you’re actually concerned over Lucas being some young, naïve, fragile thing. You’ve been stringing the kid along for months now, it’s going to be a year since you’ve met him soon, and you still don’t see how you’re doing more damage than good by fucking him over like this? You’re not doing him the favour that you think you are.”

“I never said I was a saint,” Jongin swallows thickly. “He knew what he was getting into.”

“Just admit it, Jongin,” Baekhyun says exasperatedly. “You’re miserable without him! Look at you. You wouldn’t be dressed in ratty sweats with that bedhead and your patchy stubble if you were actually celebrating his departure! You fucking miss the kid.”

Jongin clenches and unclenches his fist. Maybe he does miss Yukhei constantly hanging around his apartment. Yukhei would be somewhere just around the corner every time Jongin thought to look for him. Maybe he misses the way the bed was never cold because Yukhei’s body heats up like a furnace even in the winter. Yukhei always slept without a shirt on because he knew Jongin preferred direct body heat. Maybe he thinks about how his days seemed less monotonous with Yukhei by his side. There was never a dull moment with him around because Yukhei had 101 ideas to jazz up Jongin’s day at any given opportunity.

Maybe Jongin does miss Yukhei.

But he’s fucked it up already. He doesn’t deserve Yukhei, not by any means. Yukhei probably doesn’t want anything to do with him either, given that they haven’t contacted each other ever since their fight over two weeks ago.

“Tyong told me not to give you unsolicited advice but I can’t help it,” Baekhyun says. “Remember how I told you that you’d become Lucas’ villain origin story if you ever broke up with him?”

Jongin begrudgingly nods. He does. He thinks about that joke a lot.

“You say he’s too young, you say you won’t last, and I know you won’t admit it but you don’t actually believe that,” Baekhyun continues. “You’re not sure that it’s going to happen, you’re just afraid that it will… And not to sound ageist or anything, but if someone your age has those worries, what about Lucas? Do you think he slept well at night knowing that the guy he has feelings for might dump him at any given moment?”

“I think he slept well enough,” Jongin rebuts, but he shuts up when Baekhyun shoots him a look suggesting that he’ll kill him if he continues to be mouthy.

“Think about it. He’s young. This is probably his first serious relationship and you’re setting this foundation for him. He’s going to think love isn’t worth it and be cynical and single like you by age 26. If you’re this miserable without him, just imagine what he’s going through right now. He’s never been hurt like this before.”

Jongin sighs. It’s not that he hasn’t thought about it. _You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain_ —the quote rings true to Jongin right now as he gulps audibly. He hasn’t been doing anyone any favours with the way that he’s handled things. Six month agreement or not, Yukhei doesn’t deserve to be treated like he’s disposable.

And right now, with the state of things, it’d be hypocritical to say that he is disposable, because he’s not.

Jongin _is_ miserable without Yukhei by his side.

Hurting Yukhei was never his intention, but in his process of trying to protect himself, he selfishly sacrificed Yukhei. The fact that Yukhei didn’t even bother to blame him when they fought that night but instead worded things in a way that suggested that he was the one who wasn’t good enough for Jongin makes things all the worse. Jongin isn’t reaching out to Yukhei out of pride and arrogance, but what if Yukhei hasn’t spoken to him because he thinks that this is what Jongin wants?

Yukhei couldn’t possibly know what he wants when Jongin doesn’t know what he wants to begin with.

Baekhyun doesn’t press on further and only coaxes Jongin into the bathroom to get cleaned up better. He pulls out a bath bomb, a calming mud mask, and he even offers to shave Jongin’s “pathetic excuse of facial hair”. They have brunch after, avoiding the topic of Yukhei’s absence altogether, and although Taemin was on the offence earlier in the morning, he doesn’t say much during the meal.

Taeyong turns to Jongin as he’s about to leave, and he gently places a hand on Jongin’s arm as he speaks. “I know it’s not my place to say anything, and I really like you, _hyung_ , but…” he drawls out, looking unsure. When Jongin cocks an eyebrow as a gesture for him to continue, he sighs a little. “I know Lucas always reaches out first regardless of whether he’s in the wrong or not and I don’t know the context behind your argument so this might be presumptuous to say… but I don’t think you should wait for him to talk to you first.”

Jongin blinks at Taeyong in reply.

“Just think about it, _hyung_. You’re both good guys and I want the best for you two. If you think there’s something there, don’t just wait,” Taeyong says, squeezing Jongin’s bicep slightly. “You might be counting on him to run back to you like last time… and I don’t want you to regret it if he doesn’t.”

Jongin nods. “I understand.”

Taeyong smiles briefly. “What do you want me to bring for Christmas Eve dinner?”

“Huh?” Jongin asks, eyes wide. “You’re coming over?”

Baekhyun, who was probably eavesdropping from a corner the entire time, pops out of nowhere and drags Taeyong away bodily. “Now, Yong, what did I say about talking to strangers? Let’s go,” he says, quickly hurrying out the door. “Bye, Jongin!”

Taeyong can only manage to choke out a “Bye, _hyung_!” before he’s out of the apartment.

Jongin turns to look at Taemin, who’s poking around in his box of Lego pieces at the coffee table. “You’re not leaving?” he questions, rolling his eyes.

“Can you get me a banana milk from the fridge?” is Taemin’s reply as he ignores Jongin’s comment entirely.

It’s two days after Jongin has come to accept the significance that Yukhei has come to play in his life. Regardless of whether he intended for it to happen or not, there are bits and pieces of Yukhei everywhere he looks, and it becomes glaringly obvious that Jongin has taken whatever they shared for granted now that Yukhei is gone. Jongin hates himself for being indecisive. He hates himself for being selfish. He hates that he wasn’t brave enough to take that leap of faith.

He hates that it’s Christmas Eve, and he’s holed up in his apartment pondering if he can actually make that call to Yukhei.

Taeyong was right. Jongin relies on Yukhei’s forgiving nature too much. Whenever Jongin pushed him away in the past, Yukhei would come running back to him within hours, never letting Jongin simmer in his anger and frustration for too long. It’s something that’s so inherently Yukhei, and deep down Jongin knows that it’s not reasonable to always expect Yukhei to extend an olive branch after their disagreements.

_“You might be counting on him to run back to you like last time… and I don’t want you to regret it if he doesn’t.”_

Will Jongin regret it if what he had with Yukhei becomes a distant memory? Will he come to hate himself for every decision that he’s ever made resulting in their untimely ending? Or will he get used to the silence, the monotony, and the loneliness of the way that he’s always lived before Yukhei?

But Jongin doesn’t want it to be quiet. He doesn’t want his next day to be just like the ones before it. He doesn’t want the candy at the checkout counters to evoke a sense of emptiness instead of affectionate nostalgia.

He’s been selfishly protecting himself all of this while, and maybe it’s time for him to finally be selfless by putting himself out there.

What is he so afraid of? He’s been hurt before and he’s still standing. That thought doesn’t lessen the fear he feels by much, but he’s finally come to understand that good things require a form of sacrifice. Even if that sacrifice might seem as benign as opening up to let someone else share his life. Choices are built on the concept of risk versus reward, and maybe taking this risk will come with a reward that’s invaluable in ways unimaginable.

Jongin swallows thickly as he opens up his messaging app and types a short “ _Hey, can we talk?_ ” and sends it to Yukhei. The last message in their exchange is from Yukhei a day before their fight—“ _You’re the best!_ ” it reads, and Jongin can only snort at how untrue that is.

It takes almost 15 minutes before a reply comes from Yukhei. He agrees that they can talk and his message is devoid of its usual littering of emojis and exclamation marks.

Jongin doesn’t let that faze him. “ _Do you want to come over or should I go to your place?_ ” he types and sends.

Jongin’s eyes immediately widen when he sees Yukhei’s reply: “ _I’m in Hong Kong…_ ” He’s about to ask if it’ll be okay for them to do it over the phone, but another message from Yukhei comes. “ _Can I see your face?_ ”

They agree that Yukhei will give Jongin a FaceTime call in about 10 minutes, and Jongin paces around his living room as he tries to recall the points he definitely wants to cover in this conversation with Yukhei—he needs to acknowledge that he was an asshole, address his faults, and admit that he was wrong. It sounds simple enough, but Jongin knows better than anyone how one wrong word can quickly turn things awry.

He takes deep breaths to still his erratically beating heart. He doesn’t think that he’s ever been this nervous to speak to Yukhei before. When Yukhei’s call comes, Jongin jumps slightly from surprise before clicking the accept button. He takes an audible gulp when Yukhei’s face appears on the screen.

Yukhei looks like he always has—neat, put-together, albeit a little tired. He’s sitting up, judging by the angle that he’s holding his phone up at, and he looks equally as anxious as Jongin is as he forces a small smile onto his face after the call connects. “ _Hyung_ ,” he greets softly.

Jongin nods in acknowledgement. Yukhei never calls him “ _hyung_ ” like this. “Cas,” he says. “How have you been?”

Small talk is not common for them. It only makes things more awkward that the conversation is starting on this foot, but if there’s one thing Jongin can count on Yukhei to do, it’s to be straightforward and direct. “I miss you,” Yukhei quietly replies, disregarding Jongin’s question completely. “Sorry, this probably isn’t what you want to hear.”

On the contrary to Yukhei’s belief, it’s actually comforting that Jongin can hear those words come out from Yukhei’s mouth after what happened between them. “No, I… I was hoping you’d say that,” Jongin admits. He watches as Yukhei stares at him in anticipation. “I… I miss you too. It’s been quiet without you.”

It takes a lot of guts for Jongin to confess that he feels lonely without Yukhei out loud. He’s been thinking about it and letting the idea marinate in his head in silent acceptance, but hearing it being vocalised only drives the emptiness home. It’s weird how he’s gotten so used to Yukhei being _his_ while rejecting the notion of it whenever it’s brought up.

Jongin is a hypocrite, but that’s not what he wants to talk to Yukhei about.

“You do?” comes Yukhei’s reply. There’s a shakiness to his voice that can’t be pinned on the bad connection entirely. He sounds a little sad, but also hopeful.

“Yes,” Jongin says. “I’m sorry I wasn’t a better boyfriend.”

Yukhei sits up straighter at the mention of “boyfriend” and Jongin can’t help but feel even sorrier for how he handled their relationship. “What did you say?” Yukhei asks, looking like he can’t believe what he just heard. His eyes are opened wide and his two front teeth are peeking out slightly from below his top lip as he gapes at Jongin. “Can you… can you say that again?”

Jongin worries on his bottom lip. “I was a bad boyfriend to you. I was selfish and never saw things from your point of view. I’m sorry.”

Yukhei blinks slowly as he processes what Jongin just said and it’s almost a minute later before he finally speaks. “I was wrong too,” he says. “I shouldn’t have pushed for a relationship knowing that you didn’t want one. I was immature.”

“I don’t want a relationship,” Jongin combs his hair back from his face as he sighs. “But I realise now how selfish I was to want you without the strings attached. You were nothing but good to me.”

“I _am_ good to you,” Yukhei repeats, altering Jongin’s sentence slightly. “And I will continue to be good to you. Why are you talking about us in past tense?”

Jongin feels his chest tighten at Yukhei’s words. It’s fucked up. He wants Yukhei, but the issue is if he even deserves Yukhei after all that he’s put him through. “I’m not sure if you’ll want me anymore. I wasn’t… and I probably still won’t be… the best partner.”

Yukhei’s gaze is soft as he whispers, “I don’t want perfect, I want you.”

“Good. Because I… I want to be a better boyfriend to you, if you’ll still have me,” Jongin says. He doesn’t know why putting a label on things makes things feel so much realer even though they already advanced to the level of practically living together months ago. “Will you forgive me?”

Yukhei nods, and Jongin notes that he’s biting down on his bottom lip to dampen the grin that’s blooming across his face. “There is nothing to forgive,” he replies. “God, I wish I could kiss you. Babe… I don’t need the labels if you don’t want them. I don’t need you to rely on me 100%… I just want to know that you want me as much as I want you, and that you’re willing to give us a chance.”

“I want to be your boyfriend,” Jongin states sheepishly. “I think… No, I _know_ , that I’m ready to take this step with you. I’m scared as fuck, of course I’m scared, but… just because I pretend something’s not there doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. And I’m finally willing to admit that I’ve always seen you… differently.”

Despite Jongin’s insistence that he didn’t want to get into a serious relationship after suffering The Worst Heartbreak of His Life, he still let Yukhei cross boundaries that no one else had before him. Sure, he built walls between them, but there were always doors that Yukhei could very easily walk through after quickly picking the locks. What they have has been there all this time, but Jongin was just too afraid to see the truth.

He doesn’t want to get hurt, but he knows deep down that the notion of hurting him has never crossed Yukhei’s mind. Nothing is ever guaranteed for a lifetime, but taking this risk is half the process of development. Living in denial was never an option, and whatever he shared with Yukhei was bound to come to an end if Jongin didn’t let it progress.

But he doesn’t want it to end. He wants to see Yukhei, day after day, and he wants to share every milestone Yukhei hits. His graduation ceremony, his master’s programme, his first corporate job, and every stupid little first, second, or third that they’ll ever go through together.

“You don’t know how much self-restraint it took for me to keep from calling you,” Yukhei admits, blinking his large brown eyes at Jongin. “I was worried you didn’t want me anymore, and I didn’t want to see you if it meant seeing you for the last time…”

Jongin rolls his eyes, but there’s a small smile on his face that he can’t quite shake off. “I’m sorry it took me so long to reach out to you.”

Yukhei shakes his head. “No more apologising.” There’s background noise as Yukhei suddenly moves and shuffles towards his bedroom door. He opens the door and yells something in Cantonese before looking back at Jongin on his screen. “My mum wants me to drive her to the market.”

“Can I say hi to her?” Jongin asks. It’s only polite, given that she was gracious enough to invite him over for Christmas.

It seems like the right thing to say because Yukhei immediately nods, rushing out and angling the phone towards his mother’s face. Mrs. Wong waves her son away, but he insists that she look at the screen as they exchange conversation in rapid-fire Cantonese.

“Is this your boyfriend?” Mrs. Wong squints at the screen. “Zhongren?” She says Jongin’s name in Chinese and breaks out into a large smile that makes her eyes twinkle.

Jongin nods. “Yes,” Jongin uses what minimal Cantonese knowledge he has. “Boyfriend.”

He doesn’t miss the way Yukhei’s wide grin reaches all the way to his eyes.

* * *

**_Eight: It’s impossible to keep up with a younger partner. Spending time with them only makes you feel older._ **

Jongin has come to accept that there are a lot of things that time has taken away from him. His innocent, fresh outlook on life for one, and then there’s also his sweet tooth—his tolerance for sugar has drastically decreased and he sometimes finds himself wincing whenever a dessert tastes too strong. Most importantly, however, is that he’s noticed that his stamina has deteriorated over the years, which is something that he finds unacceptable given that he was always proud of his stable endurance at the peak of his youth.

He technically is at the peak of his youth—he’s in his mid-twenties, although he’s about to turn 27 in a month—but when put next to a guy in his early twenties like Yukhei, Jongin’s condition pales in comparison.

It’s shameful to admit, but Jongin is past the age where sex is a part of his daily routine. It’s now best enjoyed in moderate amounts in his opinion, and a few times a week is already pushing that limit. He’d say that once a week might actually be enough. His hormones aren’t raging the way they were in his teens, and it takes him a bit more time now to recuperate after strenuous activity.

Yukhei, however, is on the opposing side of the spectrum. He’s not chronically horny the way teenage boys are, but he definitely requires a lot more attention than Jongin is ready to give. Yukhei’s sex drive is something like a reservoir, it collects and collects and collects… but one breach of his defences and it’s game over because the road to containing it all is a long and tiresome one.

“ _Hyung_ ,” Yukhei whines, it’s a high-pitched noise that is completely unlike his usual voice. Jongin hates it whenever Yukhei calls him “ _hyung_ ” in bed because it’s always done with an ulterior motive. “ _Hyung_ …”

Jongin is lying sideways, turned away from Yukhei as he scrolls through his messages on his phone. This position isn’t the most comfortable, given that Yukhei is still buried inside of him and he’s trying to ignore how Yukhei’s both whining _and_ licking wet stripes up his neck all at once. It took him five minutes earlier to gather the strength to reach for his phone, and he barely has enough energy to push Yukhei away from him to stop his ministrations.

“ _Hyung_ ,” Yukhei tries once more, sucking on the skin against the junction between Jongin’s shoulder and neck. Yukhei bucks his hips against Jongin’s lightly as he continues leaving marks over his skin.

“I’m tired,” Jongin says, throwing his phone away from him as he tries to squirm away from Yukhei. Two large hands immediately grip him by the waist to keep him in place. Jongin turns to look at Yukhei, his eyes half-lidded as he pretends to yawn. “Let’s get cleaned up.”

Yukhei shakes his head vehemently. “Come on, _hyung_ …” he says, blinking pitifully as he tries to guilt Jongin into agreeing to another round by pouting. “Just one more time. One more, I promise.”

Jongin sighs. He’s not completely against the idea. Yukhei’s the one who has to put in most of the work anyway, but Jongin has an inkling that the spooning position won’t do it for him this time around. “You’re not even h… okay, maybe you are,” his argument is completely rendered useless as Yukhei leans forward to claim his lips.

The kiss becomes messy easily without any effort on Jongin’s part, and Yukhei is grinding his hips against him slowly as his hands roam Jongin’s body. “ _Hyung_ …”

It’ll always frighten Jongin how it takes Yukhei an average of 15 minutes before asking for round two. He also kind of admires him. He remembers when little Jongin was that enthusiastic to serve. “You’re not going to make me move, are you?” Jongin asks when he detaches his lips from Yukhei’s, his lips swollen after everything they’ve already done tonight.

“It’s been a while since you’ve been on top,” Yukhei suggests, and he finally removes himself from Jongin so he can roll Jongin over to face him. There’s a pink tint to his cheeks, and if Jongin was prepared to say no earlier, one look at how eager Yukhei is at the thought of him on top is enough to make him concede.

“You’re going to be the death of me,” Jongin grumbles, but he sits up and pats Yukhei to get into position anyway.

Yukhei scrambles to lie back in place, patting his thighs as if they were a throne fit for a king. “Come on, _hyung_ , I want you…”

Jongin doesn’t make him wait for too long, and their activities from earlier already prepared him well enough for what’s to come next. “You’re still doing most of the work,” Jongin states, leaning down to press a warm kiss against Yukhei’s lips.

Yukhei doesn’t argue.

But if Yukhei’s stamina is something that frightens Jongin, the switch between his sweet younger boyfriend versus the absolute beast that Yukhei morphs into during sex frightens him even more. Jongin’s only hope is that he’ll still be in one piece tomorrow.

* * *

**_Nine: A younger, more inexperienced partner has the tendency to move the relationship along too fast._ **

Jongin doesn’t like celebrating his birthday in a lavish manner. He’s content with small, intimate get-togethers involving only the closest friends in his circle, and his previous birthdays were always carried out exactly how he likes it because he made sure to let the people around him know his plans beforehand. There’s never been much room for the element of surprise because he informs everyone who expresses interest in spending the day with him regarding his schedule, so his “special day” is always planned around whatever else he has going on at the moment.

Jongin doesn’t think birthdays are that big of a deal. He doesn’t really like the idea of ageing, and having to spend a whole day commemorating and emphasising on the fact that he’s getting older started to seem less appealing after he hit 23. Birthdays are a capitalist concept much like every other holiday out there, but if these milestones bring small joys to his loved ones, then he supposes that it wouldn’t hurt for him to indulge them.

Yukhei is overly eager for Jongin’s birthday to roll around, much to Jongin’s dismay. “I know you don’t like to be reminded that you’re turning 27,” Yukhei says, crossing off the boxes on the calendar counting down to Jongin’s birthday circled in bright red marker. “But I love that our birthdays are just a couple weeks apart. So you’re not the only one getting older, I am too!”

Jongin remembers when he was young and naïve like Yukhei. He doesn’t argue with him and only shakes his head. If Yukhei wants to make sure 14th of January ends up being a special day for Jongin, then Jongin won’t rain on his parade by insisting that they spend it like any other day.

On the day of Jongin’s birthday, he expects to wake up to a room filled with several pairs of eyes staring at him as they pop confetti over his bedside and shout celebratory messages at his half-asleep person. Yukhei loves planning surprise parties for others after all, and Jongin wouldn’t put it past Baekhyun to be the first to jump at an opportunity to frighten Jongin awake.

However, when Jongin opens his eyes that morning, he’s greeted by the gentle sensation of Yukhei carding his fingers through his hair and a soft murmur of “Happy birthday.”

It’s not at all what Jongin was expecting, and having a quiet moment with Yukhei as he continues laying on his chest is comparatively better than having to face the world immediately after waking up. Yukhei’s skin is warm, as always, and the gentle kisses that he presses against Jongin’s forehead mark a soothing introduction to their day.

Jongin doesn’t hate this at all. His birthday this year might actually be particularly pleasant.

“I know you don’t want today to be a big event,” Yukhei says over their spread of breakfast. He made Jongin his latte and laid out a small plate of cut fruit to go with their cereal. “So I have everything organised. I got us two tickets to the amusement park and I told Taemin- _hyung_ to gather the rest of them for dinner here. BYOB, no more than 10 on the guest list. Oh, and no vulgar gifts. I think that’s about it, right?”

Jongin shakes his head with a smile. “Yeah, that sounds nice,” he replies, sipping on his coffee. “Also… an amusement park?”

Yukhei flashes him a grin. “Think of it as part of an early celebration for me.”

That doesn’t sound bad. Jongin hasn’t really started on planning Yukhei’s birthday at the end of the month, but Taeyong assured him that they’ll guide him through it. Yukhei has a similar outlook to Jongin when it comes to celebrating his birthday—he doesn’t think that it’s a monumental occasion considering that he has one every year—but he expressed his excitement at finally turning 22 because he thinks he’ll be able to give Jongin more security as he gets older.

He also talked about how it’s the first birthday that he’ll be celebrating with Jongin, so it makes it even more meaningful than any of his other birthdays. Jongin called him silly for tacking significance onto trivial things, but he can’t help but share Yukhei’s sentiments when it comes to his own birthday today.

Jongin doesn’t have any expectations for how the day will go. He’ll just let Yukhei have his fun and that’ll be more than enough to call it a celebration.

The first thing Yukhei does when they arrive at the amusement park is drag Jongin into a nearby gift shop. Jongin argues that they should only pick up souvenirs at the end of their visit so they don’t have to carry shopping bags around, but Yukhei insists that whatever he wants to buy won’t cause them any form of inconvenience. He’s right but also wrong.

Yukhei gets them matching headbands with furry tiger ears attached. He gets himself one in white and one for Jongin in orange. “You look so cute!” Yukhei gleefully exclaims as he combs Jongin’s fringe away from his forehead gently. “You haven’t aged a day past 20.”

Jongin snorts. “Flattery will get you nowhere with me,” he says, reaching up to tug at Yukhei’s earlobe lightly. “I’m not going to be responsible if the headband falls off when we get on the roller coaster.”

“You’re all talk,” Yukhei retorts, wincing exaggeratedly even though Jongin isn’t tugging harshly on his ear. “We both know you’re not brave enough to ride a roller coaster.”

Jongin is somehow both a scaredy cat and an adrenaline junkie all at once, but any bit of fear he feels at the notion of riding a flying death trap immediately dissipates when he hears Yukhei’s challenge. “You’re going to regret saying that,” Jongin warns, pulling Yukhei along by the ear so they can approach the nearest ride and start their tour of the park. “I happen to be obsessed with roller coasters.”

Yukhei suggests that they take a final ride on the ferris wheel before having to return home and get ready for Jongin’s birthday party. He beams when Jongin agrees and offers one of the paws to the bear plushie he’s holding to Jongin. “Let’s go,” he says, grabbing the other paw so they’re walking in a small chain of three, their third member being the soft toy between them.

Jongin thinks it’s stupid, but he still laughs to himself as he plays along. Yukhei won the toy for him at one of the game booths earlier, and he seemed more excited about it than Jongin was. His win was impressive—he managed to pop five balloons in a row in the shooting game on his first try and immediately won the grand prize. He stood there, nose up in the air as he waited for Jongin to shower him with compliments, but Jongin ignored him and pointed to the bear toy on the highest shelf because he didn’t want to feed Yukhei’s already inflated ego.

They get a carriage to themselves on the ferris wheel and the ride is peaceful and quiet. Jongin watches as the crowd below them becomes smaller and smaller and he muses to himself over when he last spent a long day out and about in an amusement park like this. He would’ve never guessed that this would be the type of date that he’d be going on at this point of his life, but now that he’s here he doesn’t think that he’d want it any other way.

The sun set not too long ago and the lighting over the whole park shines brightly below them as their carriage continues to ascend. Jongin hums to himself appreciatively as he strokes the fur to the bear plushie sitting in his lap.

He only notices that Yukhei hasn’t said anything when they’re just about to reach the top. Silence is an unusual concept with Yukhei because he’s always making some form of noise, and he definitely wouldn’t be able to keep his mouth shut when shown a view as nice as this one.

Jongin turns to Yukhei to ask if he’s okay, but his jaw drops slightly when he sees what Yukhei is holding out to him. “Lucas?” Jongin whispers, eyes fixated on Yukhei’s trembling fingers. “What are you doing?”

Yukhei gulps audibly before reaching out to grab one of Jongin’s hands. “ _Hyung_ …” he starts, and whatever he’s saying is hard to process when he’s holding a fucking _ring_ like this. “Okay, I know this is a little too soon, which is why this is not what you think it is…”

Jongin blinks rapidly as he tears his eyes away from the ring to search Yukhei’s face for some kind of clue over what’s happening at the moment. He doesn’t find anything, because Yukhei looks equally as perplexed as he does, which is ridiculous when he’s the one initiating this whole thing. Why is Yukhei holding a ring?!

“I’m not asking you to marry me,” Yukhei clarifies, the edges of his lips curling upwards nervously. “I know you’d definitely say no to that, so this is not a marriage proposal. I’d get down on one knee if it was.”

Jongin exhales gently, his throat tightening as he struggles to find something to say to no avail. If this is not a marriage proposal, then what is it? Jongin finds Yukhei’s nervousness both unnerving and adorable all at once—there’s a charm to seeing the ever-confident and bubbly Yukhei squirm, but at the same time Jongin can’t really focus on Yukhei’s endearing expression of the jitters when Yukhei looks like he’s offering his heart to him on a silver platter.

Jongin forces a smile onto his face as he conveys his bewilderment with his eyes.

“Because this isn’t a marriage proposal, I didn’t prepare what to say beforehand, which is stupid, but…” Yukhei rambles. “This doesn’t mean that I don’t want to marry you, because I do! Of course I do! But it’s too early to have that talk right now, and this isn’t what this ring is about… I want to marry you, but we don’t have to do it right now, and I don’t want to… God, what am I talking about?”

Jongin finally finds his voice again and he puts a hand over Yukhei’s to stop him from going off track. “Slowly,” he replies. “I’ll listen.” He’s equally as nervous as Yukhei is, but he tries not to let it show.

Yukhei takes a moment to wet his lips with his tongue before speaking again. He seems to have more clarity over what he wants to say now. “I know putting a ring on it might seem like I’m moving too fast,” Yukhei says. “I know you just agreed to be my boyfriend officially, and I know that it was a very big step for you to take… You probably think I sound crazy, and maybe I am crazy, but… this is not a marriage proposal. This is a promise.”

Jongin stares deep into Yukhei’s eyes—they’re his favourite shade of warm brown just like always. Those eyes speak volumes even if Jongin doesn’t always understand what is being said to him.

“I want to promise you that I’ll always do my best to make you happy. Promise that I’ll always love you the way you deserve to be loved. This ring is a symbol of my promise to you… and all I ask in return is that you promise that you’ll let me propose to you for real someday. It doesn’t matter when it is! It can be in the very distant future. In my thirties, forties, whatever…”

Fireworks start sounding behind them like in the movies, and Jongin doesn’t even look back to check. He lets his gaze fall down to the ring Yukhei is now holding out to him, wondering how he got himself tangled into such a cliché.

Jongin feels like his heart has risen up into his throat, pulsating wildly as he struggles to utter a word in response. He feels a little lightheaded, too, like this is an out-of-body experience and he’s astral projecting in his sleep. Is this real? Is any of this real?

But Jongin focuses on Yukhei’s eyes, glistening with the reflection of the fireworks going off behind them, and he feels like he’s brought back to earth. It feels real, even if it doesn’t all at the same time, and maybe this is what this is supposed to feel like. Maybe some emotions just can’t be explained.

Yukhei squeezes Jongin’s hand lightly. “What do you say? Will you promise me that?”

* * *

Baekhyun tears his eyes away from the screen of his computer. He has a pensive look on his face that doesn’t give much away. Although Jongin has worked with him for years, he can never really tell if Baekhyun likes his work unless he explicitly lets him know. Baekhyun is a wildcard, and this piece is Jongin’s first relationship-centred article outside of the advice column, so Jongin impatiently nudges him in order to speed up the delivery of his verdict.

“So…” Jongin drawls out. “What do you think?”

Baekhyun worries on his bottom lip for a few seconds before looking up at Jongin from his seat. “This is your worst article to date.”

Jongin laughs.

“As your editor I value your journalistic freedom, but this… this is terrible. I’m not saying your writing is terrible, but the content…”

“Honestly, I know,” Jongin agrees, grinning as he crosses his arms. He knows that he can always count on Baekhyun to be frank with him, and his review on this article speaks a lot about the bond that they’ve built with each other over the course of their careers.

Baekhyun isn’t ready to rein in his comments just quite yet. “I know our newsletter is targeted towards adults, and I vaguely remember telling you to be more human in your writing so that your pieces seem more relatable, but there is a lot in there that didn’t have to be revealed! You called it ‘The Cons of Having a Younger Partner’ but it is biased, exaggerated, and one of the bits is downright vulgar! I didn’t need to know that Lucas can get it up for round two after 15 minutes!”

“I never said anything about Lucas,” Jongin replies, snickering as he watches Baekhyun pretend to gag.

“You didn’t mention him by name, but you and I both know that this entire article is about him,” Baekhyun retorts. “Thank you for sharing your most intimate secrets with me, but I think I will be better off getting my memory wiped so I can forget everything that I read this morning.”

Jongin shrugs. “Can you still edit it for me, though? Not for the newsletter, of course, but I think I want to publish it to my blog.”

Baekhyun makes an expression of disgust. “Are you saying that you want me to read that again? Even that bit about your sex life? Does Lucas know about this?”

“It’s just a few paragraphs,” Jongin rolls his eyes. “Cas has a printed copy of the first ever draft. He’s awfully proud of it for some reason.”

“Well…” Baekhyun looks back at his screen, scrolling down as he highlights the last few paragraphs. “He probably likes it because of point 10. That one is the only part of the article that I actually approve of. The rest is biased.”

* * *

**_Ten: But, at the end of the day… a younger partner can grow._ **

There are a lot of things Jongin likes about Yukhei that may or may not be related to the fact that Yukhei is five years younger than him. Sometimes he wonders if Yukhei acts the way he does with him because he’s still young or if it’s because it’s just ingrained into his personality. It’s difficult to judge especially since Yukhei has been this way since Jongin first met him, but Jongin tries not to magnify these microscopic details too much.

Jongin likes Yukhei. A lot. It seems weird admitting this to himself after months of running away from it. He never thought that Yukhei would leave such a deep imprint on him, but he can’t say that it’s a bad thing that he did.

Sure, Yukhei can be impulsive—Jongin recalls the night all those months ago when Yukhei first said “I love you” to him. They weren’t even an item back then, they were just… friends with benefits. At least, they agreed to be friends with benefits. Not with those exact terms, of course, but the idea was there. What they had was supposed to be physical with no strings attached, and being compatible in areas outside of bed just happened to be a bonus.

Jongin can’t really remember how he felt when Yukhei uttered those words. Panicked? Anxious? Horrified? Maybe a mixture of everything? But he distinctly remembers telling Yukhei not to say anything like it anymore, and that was how the whole “six month agreement” started, after all.

It’s funny, because Yukhei never really did say it anymore after that. Jongin has caught him on multiple occasions blurting out “I lo—” only to stop himself mid-sentence with an audible gulp. Yukhei can be impulsive, but he can also hold himself down when he has to.

Jongin used to tell Yukhei that he didn’t seem mature enough sometimes, and that he didn’t give him the sense of security that’s required in a long-term relationship. He didn’t mean it emotionally—Yukhei still gives him more than enough to convince him that he’s in it for the long haul, but Jongin thought that there was something missing in the other aspects of Yukhei’s life. Yukhei was in university, he hadn’t worked a proper day in his life, and he didn’t know how to take care of himself, moreover take care of someone else.

But little by little, Yukhei seemed to show him that he was a lot more capable than Jongin initially gave him credit for. He took up a part-time job that he’s still working now and he’s amazing with Jongin’s family. Yukhei still throws morning tantrums whenever he has to get up early, but he’s undoubtedly a lot more reliable than Jongin first thought.

And Jongin finds that he actually enjoys it whenever Yukhei shows his childish side. He hoards junk food in Jongin’s cupboards and buys children’s yoghurt drinks, he has a terrible habit of biting at the edges of his ice cream cones even before he’s finished the ice cream at the top, he can spend hours watching videos on TikTok… Jongin thinks that he’ll actually miss these moments if they ever stop.

Yukhei is tolerant, eager to please, and he tries his best to give Jongin happiness. And that’s what really matters at the end of the day, isn’t it? That Yukhei is willing to give Jongin his all.

Jongin will admit that he misjudged Yukhei from the very beginning. There’s a possibility that he might be the one for him after all.

“I like it whenever I can take care of you,” Yukhei says one night as he’s carrying Jongin in his arms after a session of heavy drinking. His beam is apparent and he doesn’t even seem to be bothered although he’s carrying someone who weighs just about as much as he does. “It makes me feel special. Like I’m a superhero or something.”

Jongin laughs as he reaches up to stroke Yukhei’s face lightly. “Yeah?” he asks, the alcohol having dumbed him down by many notches.

“Yeah,” Yukhei agrees. “You might not always need me, but I’ll always be here for you.” He lowers Jongin onto the bed lightly, watching fondly as Jongin spreads his arms wide to sprawl all across the surface.

“Mmhm,” Jongin hums, a small smile on his face as he recalls assuming that Yukhei would be a cameo in his life. “You might be a main character after all.”

* * *

“Before you leave,” Baekhyun exclaims urgently as Jongin is about to walk away from his desk. He highlights a paragraph of words before turning to Jongin with wide eyes. “For point nine, about him moving too fast… you said Lucas proposed to you?”

Jongin shrugs. “He didn’t exactly propose to me,” he says, scratching the back of his head as he tries to keep his voice low. The walls have ears in this office, even if people pretend that they haven’t heard anything. “But he might as well have.”

“He proposed to you?!” Baekhyun asks, louder now. He composes himself when he sees how Jongin flinches away from him in fear. “What did you say?”

“What did you think I said?” Jongin snorts.

Baekhyun purses his lips thoughtfully for a few seconds. “You look like you’re in a good mood, Tyong hasn’t received any calls from Yukhei crying for help, I’m not embroiled in another ‘patch up Kim Jongin’s shitty love life’ mission… I think you said yes,” Baekhyun concludes. He narrows his eyes as he reaches forward to grab Jongin’s hand. “Fuck, he actually put a ring on it!”

Jongin retracts his hand, his face warming as he remembers the silver band that he’s sporting on his ring finger. “You actually think I said yes?”

Baekhyun is typing into his phone frantically by now. “You have a ring on your finger. I don’t think you said no.”

Jongin, knowing that Baekhyun is too deep into gossip-land at this point to continue the conversation, sighs as he walks away. He plays with the ring on his left hand as he makes his way to his desk, smiling to himself as he shakes his head.

What did he say to Yukhei’s proposal?

He said maybe.

* * *

“What do you say? Will you promise me that?”

Jongin is stunned as he lowers his gaze to the ring that Yukhei is now holding out higher to him, as if he thinks the closer the ring is to Jongin, the more likely it is that Jongin will agree to whatever he asks. It’s a classic, plain silver band, and Jongin has no doubt that Yukhei bought it with his own money. He opens his mouth to reply, but no words come out because he doesn’t know what he should say to begin with.

Yukhei’s smile doesn’t falter, but he loosens his grip on Jongin’s hand to hold his left hand up, putting the identical band on his ringer finger on display. “ _Hyung_ ,” he says, and there’s a hint of a whine to his tone. “I’m already wearing it… you won’t let me down, will you? _Hyung_?”

Jongin gapes a little while more at the ring on Yukhei’s hand and the ring that’s being held out to him. He tears his gaze away from them to search Yukhei’s eyes—and in those eyes, he finds his answer.

It’s not the ideal answer, but it’s a start.

“Maybe,” Jongin finally breathes out. “Maybe when you grow up.”

Yukhei’s grin widens as he reaches forward to envelop Jongin into a tight hug, laughing to himself as if he just had a successful proposal. Or in this case, a successful non-proposal. He isn’t deterred by the vagueness that “maybe” entails. “A ‘maybe’ is better than a no,” Yukhei says, leaning back with a chuckle. “Can I?”

“Can you what?”

Yukhei reaches for Jongin’s left hand. “Your ring finger’s empty anyway, you might as well let me put something on it in the meantime…”

“I said _maybe_ ,” Jongin repeats, putting emphasis on the last word. Nevertheless, he spreads out his fingers for Yukhei, and soon the cool metal of the ring is slipped onto his hand. He admires it for a while before looking up at Yukhei through his eyelashes. “Are you sure about this?”

“Yes.”

Jongin shakes his head. “I mean… what if I’m never ready? Are you sure you want this?”

Yukhei takes Jongin’s hand in his and raises it to his lips, pressing them against the ring on his finger. “I want you,” he says with finality. “And everything that comes with having you.”

Jongin isn’t one for PDA, but they’re several feet above the ground and if anyone is watching then it’s their problem. He places both his hands on the side of Yukhei’s face, looking deep into his favourite pair of warm brown eyes. “Then that’s that,” he whispers, leaning closer so their lips are inches apart. “I think I love you.”

Yukhei presses forwards to connect their lips, and Jongin can distinctly feel the smile that he can’t contain. “I love you,” Yukhei says against his lips. “I promise to always love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> this might be my last fic ever (or not), so i hope you enjoyed reading it as much as i enjoyed (gritting my teeth and procrastinating) writing it over the past year. it’s been a long time coming.


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